Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle, passion and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you. Episode 207 today, and we're talking about why we think, react and decide the way we do. And this is actually a follow-on from last week's episode where we spoke about, you know, we cannot please everyone and we really dove into that episode. But today we're diving into something that affects every conversation that we do, every decision that we do and every interaction that we have Human behavior. That's what we're talking about and this is a really interesting topic because, you know, there's a lot of questions that we ask or we challenge or we get curious about, and some of it we did touch in last week's episode. But like, why do people hold on to false beliefs, or even when faced with facts, or why do some arguments tend to spiral into something deeper? Or why do too many choices actually make people freeze instead of actually take action? And if you I guess the whole premise of this episode is, if you can understand how people think and how they behave, you can probably most likely navigate your life more effectively, whether it's handling through disagreements, influencing decisions or just making better connections with others, and that will be another way that we can further our lifestyle. So that's what we're talking about today. We're going to dive straight into it. If you do enjoy these episodes, please subscribe. You can leave a comment, but, most of all, if you think someone else can resonate from this, send it to someone, share it, drop a message to them and say, hey, check out this, think it's something that could really really help change your life, and that would mean the absolute world to me, and it helps grow this channel. It helps us inspire others to aspire further in their own lives. Let's roll the intro and let's get into it.

So number one is people believe what they already believe, even if it's wrong. Just reading and saying that it's a bit confusing in the sense that that doesn't even make sense. Why do people believe what they already believe, even when it's wrong? But sometimes we do not know what we do not know right. Have you ever tried someone? Have you ever tried to show someone, I guess, like some clear evidence that they were wrong? And they just double down instead.

And this can be a slippery slope, and that's because people's beliefs aren't based on logic, they're based on identity. It's crazy. And why does this happen? People look sorry I shouldn't laugh about this. The reason why I laugh about this is because there's a few people that I interact with and they do. They get stuck on these things and it's crazy how they cannot see it from a different perspective. But I'm sure there's things that I talk about which probably sound exactly the same. That's why I'm laughing, because who am I to judge? But why does this happen?

So people attach their beliefs to their sense of self. We do it. We attach our beliefs, what you and I believe, what you believe, what I believe. We attach it to our own identities, and so when that is challenged, it feels like a personal attack, and that's when confirmation bias kicks in. We seek out information that supports what we already think and ignore everything else that doesn't right. So when we admit we're wrong, it's uncomfortable, so we resist. That's why a lot of those people will not, or we, we might be one of those people. That's why we don't like to admit it, because it's going to make us uncomfortable.

So how do we work with this? How do we work around it, instead of bombarding individuals with facts or all those different things. We want to start to ask open-ended questions, which it kind of forces them to reconsider things for themselves. So, instead of saying you're wrong, this is why then ask that's very interesting what made you come to that conclusion? Help them explain it to you. Give them the chance to break it down from their opinion, from their understanding. People change their minds when they feel safe enough to rethink, not when they feel attacked. And a lot of the time, there's a lot of people that don't actually really understand the detail behind what they believe. They've just seen it, they've heard it, they believe it, they run with it. So that's why it's a really great way to open up the conversation. Let's hear your side, let's not get a tacky and understand. It's a really great way to do it.

Number two is facts don't change minds. Feelings do so. Here's a bit of a secret for you. You probably knew it, but I'll say it anyway. People decide emotionally first, then use logic to justify it, right? Yeah, we spoke about this a couple of episodes ago, where people buy with emotion and then justify with logic. And you don't buy a car because of the mileage stats, right, you buy it because of how it makes you feel, but we try and justify it by it's only got a hundred thousand kilometers, or whatever. You don't follow a leader because of their policy details. You follow them because they inspire you or you relate to them or you know them. You don't change your diet because of the nutritional science behind it. Maybe some do you change it generally because of how bad you feel after eating junk food.

So why does all this matter and what does it mean? If you want to persuade, or and what does it mean? Right, if you want to persuade or if you want to influence others, you need to focus on the emotion first and the logic second, which seems crazy, but that's the reality of it. Storytelling is powerful. It engages feelings in a way that data will never do. You can present data, but if you help people feel engaged, if you help people feel emotion, that's when they will start to change.

So how do we apply this? What can we do? If you're trying to convince someone to say whatever it may be, if you're trying to convince someone, you want to lead with emotion. So a good example of this could be to, instead of saying this diet is scientifically proven to work, or something, imagine waking up. Sorry, then you could say imagine waking up, feeling full of energy, feeling stronger every day. So I butchered that a little bit. Let me say it again now that I've got it in my head. People might say oh, you know, the science has proven that this works right, whereas what might be a better approach to this is imagine waking up and you feel full of energy, or you feel stronger every day, or you're ready to just hit the road running right. So when people feel that they're going to say, okay, this is good, and then they're going to logically look to back it up or look logically to back it up Now, further from this is point number three, which most arguments aren't about what they seem to be about, which, again, I laugh because it seems ridiculous. But there's so many things of this which is relevant to all our lives and you've probably experienced it yourself, whether it's as you or someone else. So if you ever, you might resonate with this.

Have you ever had a small disagreement turn into something way bigger than it should have? It just blows out of proportion. That's because the argument isn't actually just about the surface level issue that you thought it was. There's something else deeper and of course, we're very complex humans and we're very unique individuals. So why does this happen? Let's say it's a fight about who left the dishes out. This isn't just about the dishes. It's about feeling potentially unappreciated or that people aren't picking up their slack.

Maybe there's a debate about a job change. It isn't just about money. It's about the fear of the unknown. You know, when people are saying, oh, you're not going to do this job anymore, you're going to do something else, they're scared that they're not going to be comfortable. Fair enough. Maybe the argument about texting back late isn't just about timing. It's about feeling that you don't care, like the person doesn't care about you. So there's all these mirroring or parallel or additional or adjacent things that maybe we don't realize have impacts.

So when tensions arise, what can we do? I think what we should do is pause and ask we could be like is this really about what we're arguing about or is there actually something else here that we need to explore? And you can then ask what's actually bothering me or what's actually bothering you underneath all this? And if you can identify what that root issue is, then you can resolve conflicts faster and with less damage. A really good piece of advice that I heard I can't remember who it was but when people are arguing especially married couples or just partners and relationships or just anyone but if there is a problem or an argument that is happening, it's not about you and the individual. What you want to be is that you, two people versus the problem, don't be attacking each other. Attack the problem and work out how are we going to solve it. So, even if the problem is the dishes aren't being done, think about it in the way. Okay, so how do we solve for this, this person's feeling, this, this person's feeling that it's not personal to the other person? The issue is the dishes aren't being done, but the issue is also that you feel like one of you is doing more than the other, but you're not trying to make the other person feel bad. You really just want to understand. Okay, that's how I'm feeling. How do you feel about all this? So you then, how do we solve that problem? Rather than coming on the attacking front? It's a better way to resolve conflicts.

Number four people will remember how you made them feel, not your words. Have you ever walked away from a conversation remembering the exact words someone said, but definitely remembering how that made you feel. So maybe you know you might go back and you try and repeat the conversation. You're like, oh, I don't know what they said, I just felt really frustrated from the conversation and that's because emotions stick and words will fade. It's fair game, unless you've got really good memory.

So people associate with you by the energy that we bring. So if you're really loud and that person's loud, we're going to feel like we resonate. But if you're like a Debbie Downer and negative, then that might not be what you're going to. People aren't going to be attracted to that unless they're the same types of people. So every interact, if every interaction with you is stressful, if every interaction with you is negative or if it's critical or if it's, you know, uncomfortable, they're going to start avoiding you, even if you are right. The other way we can look at it is, if every interaction is positive, encouraging and energizing, they'll seek you out right, they'll want to be around you and, even though they might not agree with you, they're just going to be more comfortable around you. So how do we apply this? How do we bring this into picture? If you want people to respect you and listen to you, we need to be someone that brings good energy, and before a conversation, you need to ask yourself how do I want this person to feel after talking to me? How do I want them to feel? Now, the goal isn't to be fake positivity. We don't want that. It's about being intentional, about your presence and making sure that we're making people feel comfortable and welcomed.

Number five is the more choices you offer, the less people decide. Now, this is a bit of a sidestep, but the reality is, if you ever went into a restaurant, have you ever seen them having 50 options? Look, maybe some would, but a lot of the time they do have a limited size menu because too many choices overwhelm us. It makes it very hard to just make a decision. So why does this happen? Well, our brain naturally gets overloaded by trying to process all the options. We then have this fear of what if I'm going to make the wrong choice, and it makes us freeze the decision. Fatigue kicks in, so we default to doing nothing.

This is something that I struggle with At the moment. Moving into my warehouse, there are so many things that I need to do and I just don't know what to do first, and we get overwhelmed. And then it gets, you know, it gets just overwhelming. But when I break down, I say, okay, let's prioritize. What are the things that I want to be done by the end of the week? That's the thing that I do, that's the thing that I need to get done. There's things that are necessities, there's things that are nice to haves and there's things that are kind of like domino effects as well. So when you break down those decisions that need to be made, it makes it a lot easier to work through. So if you want someone to act, simply you need to. Rather than giving them, you know, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, you say, hey, here's two great options, a or B. Which one feels better to you? Fewer choices equals faster decisions, and this applies for business, this applies for life, it applies for everything. So definitely a nice little lesson there. The next one is number six, which is always give someone a way out.

Saving face diffuses disagreements. Now, we were talking about arguments before. This one's a little different and it's a bit more courtesy, right. So no one likes being proven wrong in a way that makes them feel embarrassed. I hate being embarrassed. I'm sure you do too. So why does this matter when people feel backed into a corner. If you're backed into a corner, you've got people doubling down on you. They will get even more defensive rather than admitting that they're wrong. So when we give people a graceful exit, it lets them reconsider without feeling humiliated.

The best way to look at this is, rather than feeling heated, frustrated, they can walk away with something to think about. They might come back and actually want to have the conversation again. How do we do this? Instead of saying, see, I told you. So bringing them down, we want to say I totally understand why you thought that it is a common misconception or a common misunderstanding. We could say, instead of saying you were wrong about that, it is a common misconception or a common misunderstanding, we could say, instead of saying you were wrong about that, we can just say I used to think the same thing until I learned this. So it gives people a chance to save face and it increases, I guess, our chances that they'll change their mind without that resistance and fight back Not always that smooth, but that's the intent here.

Now I do have one more bonus point that I want to talk about, and that is criticism lands better when we wrap it with praise. So if you want to give someone some really honest feedback without them getting defensive and I struggle with this giving and receiving we want to use a compliment sandwich. This was something really relevant when also giving feedback back when I was working in corporate is you want to start with praise I really love how you handled that project right and then you want to give constructive feedback that follows that up. So one thing that might make it even stronger is if you did this right and then you can end further on a positive note of overall, you're doing a great job and I know you'll nail this. So that's why it's a sandwich. You start off with really great, a little bit of improvement here, really great and it's a criticism wrapped in a sandwich of compliment right.

So the way we do this is people then absorb the criticism better than you know, feeling like it's an attack, and it's not letting them down easy. It's just putting it away, which helps them not feel like you're bang, bang, bang, bad, bad, bad. It's kind of like you're doing good. Here's something that you can work on. Keep up the great work. All of a sudden, everything's okay. All of a sudden, things are good.

So I guess the final thoughts that I'll leave you with as we wrap this up is if you know how people think and this is very generalized, of course it helps us handle conflicts better. It helps us influence without manipulation. It also makes us stronger connections, like we can connect with people on a stronger level. It helps us communicate in a way that actually lands what we're trying to communicate, because at the end of the day, we're all just humans trying to navigate our own emotions, our own decisions, our own interactions and our own problems in life. So that's why it's super important and the question I'll leave you with to finish the episode is how can you use this knowledge to improve your own relationships, your career, your business or your personal growth?

Now I want you to let me know. Let me know down in the comments. Let's talk about it, let's continue the conversation. That's what I'm going to leave you with. Appreciate being here. If you did have any questions, chuck them down below. Otherwise, you know, if you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe. You can share it with someone else. That would mean the absolute world to me. Otherwise, we'll be back here next week doing it all again. You have a wonderful day, cheers.