Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you Episode 206 today, and we're talking about a topic which is close to my heart. It's something that I've had to deal with, struggle with and work through probably for the last five years more than ever, but it's also something which we've spoken about here on the channel before, here on the podcast, and the whole intent of this is to really just have a real conversation and help others, I guess, work through the same things that maybe I've experienced myself. And look, it is going to be a topic which it might trigger a few people. It might make a few people uncomfortable hey, but that's what it's all about. If we can get uncomfortable, we will grow, we will learn and we will further our lifestyles.

Now the topic today is you will never, ever satisfy others, and that's okay, and you need to stop trying to do this. You need to stop trying to make others like you, and I've struggled with this. But let's be real for a second. No matter what you do, there's always going to be something that someone has to say Whether it's about you or what you're doing. It might be. If you choose to chase a dream, maybe they'll call you unrealistic. Maybe you want to play it safe and they'll say you have a lack of ambition. Maybe you work hard and they'll say you're obsessed. Maybe you relax too much and they'll say you're lazy. All you relax too much and they'll say you're lazy. All these different things. Now, there is a pattern here. If you didn't hear all that, there is a very, very clear pattern, and you will never satisfy everyone, which, again, it's okay. This is actually really a good thing, because your life isn't meant to be lived by anyone else's approval. You need to approve it, you need to be happy with it and you need to respect yourself, of course. But today, in this episode, what I want to break down is why does this happen in the first place, how people's reactions are more about themselves, and how to free yourself from the trap of trying to please others.

Now, as I said, I have spoken about this before, but it's a reoccurring topic. It's a reoccurring thing that I am confronted with on a regular basis, having the podcast, being on YouTube sharing and documenting my business and chasing my own dreams and ambitions. You get a lot of doubters, you get a lot of haters, and for me, to explore that helps me get through it, and that's what we're going to dive into today. So buckle up. If you do enjoy these episodes or if you want to continue the conversation, a couple of things that you can do is you can like, you can subscribe, you can share this with someone else, but, most of all, if you really want to continue the conversation, drop a question or a comment down below and let me know your thoughts on this episode. Do you experience this? How do you deal with it? I would love to know more. So you're welcome to do that. We do have the timestamps down below as well. Let's roll the intro and let's get into it.

So point number one that I want to talk about today is when you do something different, it makes others uncomfortable. Now, most people live within the boundaries of what is familiar to themselves and what makes them feel safe. We all do it. We've all done it. We tend to not like to step out of our comfort zones, and when we step out of our comfort zones, like as an individual, and other people see that and it's outside of their comfort zone. It shakes their sense of reality. So, if you start a business, they'll stay in the nine to five, right, and now I'm not saying any is better. What I'm saying is you'll start a business, they'll stay in the nine to five, right, and now I'm not saying any is better. What I'm saying is you'll start a business, they'll stay in the nine to five. That's their approach. This is your approach, right? It's working for you. It's working for them. You choose your health. They'll keep making their excuses or choose not to do those things. You may take risks and they'll play it safe. All of these things are okay. And the thing you need to understand about this is your growth exposes potentially their stagnation, right, just because you're moving in a different direction.

There is sometimes this heightened sense of FOMO or frustration or jealousy or like makes them uncomfortable, thinking why are you doing this? What's going on? And it's not that they hate what you're doing. I wouldn't say it's personal, although we tend to take it personal. It's not personal. It's that your actions are forcing them to have to deal with their own choices, and that's uncomfortable for them. That is extremely uncomfortable for them. So, instead of supporting you, what they tend to do and I'm generalizing here but they tend to minimize your success'm generalising here, but they tend to minimise your success.

They try and make whatever you're trying to achieve bring it down to oh, you just got lucky, or you only did it because of this. Or they try to yeah, minimise your capability or of what you've been able to achieve or what you are achieving. They find reasons why you can't do what you're doing. You know they start to say oh, it must be nice, I could never do that. Or you're only able to do this because of this. They can't even justify in their heads that it's possible that they went. You know that you actually had to work very hard to make this happen, because they would never be able to do that. And they try to pull you back to their level. They say you've changed. Why don't you remember the good old days? Or why don't you remember the good old days? Or why don't you come out and do this? Or you know, you've made so many sacrifices, all these different things. Now, these aren't bad things. These are all choices that you've made to get you to where you want to be, and that's okay.

The lesson here, though, is the people who criticize you right on your path are often they're not attacking you, right? They really aren't. They do not know what they do. They're defending their own limitations. Let me say that again the big, big lesson here and this will be for the entire episode is the people who criticize you and your path often are not actually attacking you. It's not personal, it's actually personal to them. They're defending their own limitations. So just let that sink in.

The next one that I want to talk about is tall poppy syndrome. Now, this is a huge thing here in Australia and it just seems to be that people cut down those who stand out. If you're unfamiliar with tall poppy syndrome, it's this idea that when someone rises above the rest or are doing something different, which maybe might actually be a really good thing, people feel the need to cut them down. Let's say, someone comes out with a course, someone comes out with you know they've purchased a new house, or someone else has got a new car, or maybe they've been able to achieve running a marathon or make all these different things right. All these things, any little highlight reel in your life that is a success for you, tends to be a trigger for someone else to then come along and get all tall poppy syndrome and bring you down.

So, as I said, when you start succeeding, someone will say you don't deserve it. You start making more money than them. Someone will assume you got lucky or you scammed people or you're a scammer. You work harder than the rest. Someone will tell you to relax because you're making the rest of us look bad. They might not say that like tangibly, but that's what they're implying. Again, why does this happen? And the reason why is because when people see what you're doing and they're not or then they won't or haven't they project their own insecurities onto you. It's ridiculous, it is absolutely ridiculous. But the lesson here is the higher you rise, the more resistance you will face. Right, but don't shrink yourself to make others uncomfortable. A really good example of this is one of my.

The people that I've looked up to, been inspired by for a very long time has been Pat Flynn, and he's got his own YouTube channel. He's got his multiple YouTube channels actually and really successful gentleman and lovely fellow. And he when he he lost his job way back when it was when he was working as an architect, and he lost his job and he decided that he was going to risk it all and start selling, you know, doing stuff online. He was doing a blog and he was doing services around blogging and stuff online, and that meant he had to move his whole family back home. He had to move back in with his parents. He had to do all these different things because of the circumstances, but he knew that if he could do this and make it work, the long-term benefits are going to outweigh everything else.

But in the moment he talks about the amount of, just the amount of people that I guess abused him in the sense, were rude and said oh look, you're only able to do this because you live at home or you know, you're not really telling us the full story. Why don't you get a real job and then you can afford to have your own place? All these different things, disgusting things. And I've felt the same thing. Now I can't say that I've made it things. And I've felt the same thing. Now I can't say that I've made it.

I am nowhere near where I want to be. I'm very comfortable, I can pay all my bills, I live a very happy lifestyle, I've got plenty of savings, I've got investments, I've got rental properties, all these different things, all great things. But what some people might not know and I've shared it numerous times, because I still live at home. I still live at home with my folks and I took that sacrifice in the sense of knowing that, well, if I'm going to go out on my own and build a business that suits my lifestyle, there's going to have to be some sacrifices to make, because the bank won't touch me until they know that I've got a very certain amount of money incoming on a regular basis and a lot of my money that comes in I put straight back into the business to see it grow. And a lot of my money that comes in I put straight back into the business to see it grow.

And a lot of people can't handle this. It makes them uncomfortable, even though I'm being successful in so many different areas. Maybe it's not the success that I want, or maybe they don't see it as success, but they start to justify that it's not good enough because they would never be able to do it the way that I'm. Doing. It To them to be successful or to be at a certain level or a certain status, or to meet their approval, you have to meet this certain criteria. That ticks off all these boxes. It cracks me up and it's sad. It really is sad and in the past that has really frustrated me and it has Mentally it has hurt me. But the more I look at it, now I'm able to continue to move forward and take on the new challenges, the new growth levels that I want to see for myself personally in my life. And yeah, five years from now, 10 years from now, hopefully, I'll look back and think, well, these people were a nothing to those moments, because look at what I've been able to do and achieve because I was willing to take a sacrifice and take a risk and live a different way. That makes other people uncomfortable. It's very funny. But it kind of leads me on to the next one.

Outsiders project their discomforts onto you. People don't see you as you are right. No one's living my life, no one's living your life. People can't see what you're thinking, what you're doing, how you're experiencing it, your POV. They see you or us through a lens of their own experiences, their own beliefs and their own insecurities. And I guess look at it this way have you ever noticed how a jealous person assumes everyone is competing with them? A dishonest person assumes everyone else is lying. A fearful person assumes risk-takers are reckless. These are all generalizations. I get that. But when people judge your choices, the decisions you're making, they're often actually just projecting their own fears and limitations back onto you.

A good example of this is I can talk about this because I've done it when you quit your stable job to chase something new, I was earning $160,000, have a really great career, a really good, I guess, ahead of me what could possibly turn into something great, bigger and better. But when I brought it down to the roots of what I wanted, it wasn't what I wanted. So therefore, I decided to take the risk to step away, start this podcast, build a business, and that changed my life. It changed everything for me. It's been the best thing that I ever did. A risk taker look, people will admire your courage, but someone who's scared of that change, they'll call you irresponsible, or they'll call you silly, or that you're doing career suicide or that it's not realistic all these different things.

People's opinions of you say more about themselves than they do about you. That's the lesson here. People's opinions of you say more about them than they do about you, so don't let it stick to you. Number four is never put the key to your happiness in someone else's hands. This is a tough one. It's a big trap. It really is a really big trap, because thinking that once you get their approval you're finally happy or you'll feel worthy or you'll feel successful. That is not the case. The truth is, approval is conditional. What they like today, they'll criticize tomorrow.

Chasing validation is a constant process. No matter how much you achieve, it will never be enough for everyone, and you can't control people's perspectives. That's just the reality of it. Even if you do everything right, someone will find fault in it or where it doesn't make sense, and that might be whether it's truth or in their own head. That's just the fact. So the lesson here is if you want happiness, it's an inside job. It needs to come from you. The moment you stop relying on external validation, you become truly free.

This is an area that I've always struggled with, but it's an area that is super important that you continue to work on. You need to respect yourself. You need to give yourself the permission to go do what it is that you want to do and find happiness in that man. I take some crazy risks. I am terrified, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love it. It's so good We've made it this far. There's probably going to be more mistakes that I make, which hey, maybe people will get their satisfaction and they'll see me fail in their ideas. But if things don't work out the way that I want them to work out, I'm just going to find another way to bounce back. I'm going to find another way to move forward.

When we give up, that's when you fail. But when you pursue forward one step at a time, you might have to take five steps to the side and then move forward. That's when you will succeed and that's when you will thrive and you can prove these people they were wrong. But it's not about proving they were wrong, right. It's just about that. Don't give up because someone else is bringing you down, right. Give up because you say that, okay, this is probably not actually worth my time anymore. I'm going to go do something else Now.

There's a couple of other things here that I wanted to call out, and they're just a few other key truths that I think you should remember when we wrap up this episode. Number one is your life is yours. No one else is responsible for what you need to do, the risks you need to take, the sacrifices you make or the results that you achieve. It's yours. So what you put in is what you're going to get at. You're accountable, you're responsible. That's your baby right. So own it, own it. You need to own it right.

The next one is criticism is often a sign that you're doing something right. If there's people around you criticizing you, bringing you down or talking about you or gossiping, it's probably because you're making moves. That makes them uncomfortable, either because they didn't do it themselves first, or they just don't like it, or simply because you're actually making better progress than themselves. People who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind. I'll say that again People who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind. The right people will support you. They will always support you loyally, support you, even when they don't mind. The right people will support you. They will always support you loyally, support you, even when they don't fully understand your journey. But there's always going to be people that aren't going to be there with you and they will try to bring you down. So the best way to silence the doubters is to succeed in your journey anyway.

And the final thought that I'll leave with you before we wrap up is you were not born to be small, right? If you spend your life trying to satisfy everyone else or others, or just a couple of people, you'll wake up one day realizing you never actually truly lived for yourself. And that was one of the big reasons why I stepped away from the nine to five was because I realized there was a whole bunch of things that I was doing and I was doing it for the wrong reasons, and I wanted to go build something of my own. That is my own legacy. So I had to step away from what I thought was the norm, thought was the right. So the question you need to ask yourself are you going to dim your light to make others comfortable or are you going to go live boldly? You've got to learn to choose yourself always. Now. That's the message for you today.

If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, comment. Let's continue the conversation, but please, if someone needs to hear this, give it a share, send it to them, make them have a listen, or ask them to have a listen and see if it resonates with them. Right, because at the end of the day, this has been a big, big, key component for my life and it continues to be on my journey, and I know there's many others that experience this. There's always going to be people that bring you down. Hey look, I am probably also someone that has done exactly what people have done to me, and that's why we need to be aware of it, and we'll be talking about this probably in some other episodes as well.

But, like, why do things trigger us to make us feel uncomfortable when people go do something? Right, they do it and you think, oh, I don't like that. Is it because you don't like it because you didn't do it? Is it because, oh, you didn't have the guts to step out and do it yourself? Or is it just because, good on them, they're being successful and you're not? So you're just jealous, right? We've all felt it. I felt it. Be honest. Be honest about it. All right, appreciate you being here. We'll be back here next week doing it all again. You have a wonderful day, cheers.