Introduction: You Can't Please Everyone

Speaker 1 0:00

Yo yo yo . Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles . My name's Chris , I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you Episode 206 today , and we're talking about a topic which is close to my heart . It's something that I've had to deal with , struggle with and work through probably for the last five years more than ever , but it's also something which we've spoken about here on the channel before , here on the podcast , and the whole intent of this is to really just have a real conversation and help others , I guess , work through the same things that maybe I've experienced myself . And look , it is going to be a topic which it might trigger a few people . It might make a few people uncomfortable hey , but that's what it's all about . If we can get uncomfortable , we will grow , we will learn and we will further our lifestyles .

Speaker 1 0:46

Now the topic today is you will never , ever satisfy others , and that's okay , and you need to stop trying to do this . You need to stop trying to make others like you , and I've struggled with this . But let's be real for a second . No matter what you do , there's always going to be something that someone has to say Whether it's about you or what you're doing . It might be . If you choose to chase a dream , maybe they'll call you unrealistic . Maybe you want to play it safe and they'll say you have a lack of ambition . Maybe you work hard and they'll say you're obsessed . Maybe you relax too much and they'll say you're lazy . All you relax too much and they'll say you're lazy . All these different things . Now , there is a pattern here . If you didn't hear all that , there is a very , very clear pattern , and you will never satisfy everyone , which , again , it's okay . This is actually really a good thing , because your life isn't meant to be lived by anyone else's approval . You need to approve it , you need to be happy with it and you need to respect yourself , of course . But today , in this episode , what I want to break down is why does this happen in the first place , how people's reactions are more about themselves , and how to free yourself from the trap of trying to please others .

Speaker 1 1:57

Now , as I said , I have spoken about this before , but it's a reoccurring topic . It's a reoccurring thing that I am confronted with on a regular basis , having the podcast , being on YouTube sharing and documenting my business and chasing my own dreams and ambitions . You get a lot of doubters , you get a lot of haters , and for me , to explore that helps me get through it , and that's what we're going to dive into today . So buckle up . If you do enjoy these episodes or if you want to continue the conversation , a couple of things that you can do is you can like , you can subscribe , you can share this with someone else , but , most of all , if you really want to continue the conversation , drop a question or a comment down below and let me know your thoughts on this episode . Do you experience this ? How do you deal with it ? I would love to know more . So you're welcome to do that . We do have the timestamps down below as well . Let's roll the intro and let's get into it .

Why Different Makes Others Uncomfortable

Speaker 1 2:50

So point number one that I want to talk about today is when you do something different , it makes others uncomfortable . Now , most people live within the boundaries of what is familiar to themselves and what makes them feel safe . We all do it . We've all done it . We tend to not like to step out of our comfort zones , and when we step out of our comfort zones , like as an individual , and other people see that and it's outside of their comfort zone . It shakes their sense of reality . So , if you start a business , they'll stay in the nine to five , right , and now I'm not saying any is better . What I'm saying is you'll start a business , they'll stay in the nine to five , right , and now I'm not saying any is better . What I'm saying is you'll start a business , they'll stay in the nine to five . That's their approach . This is your approach , right ? It's working for you . It's working for them . You choose your health . They'll keep making their excuses or choose not to do those things . You may take risks and they'll play it safe . All of these things are okay . And the thing you need to understand about this is your growth exposes potentially their stagnation , right , just because you're moving in a different direction .

Speaker 1 3:54

There is sometimes this heightened sense of FOMO or frustration or jealousy or like makes them uncomfortable , thinking why are you doing this ? What's going on ? And it's not that they hate what you're doing . I wouldn't say it's personal , although we tend to take it personal . It's not personal . It's that your actions are forcing them to have to deal with their own choices , and that's uncomfortable for them . That is extremely uncomfortable for them . So , instead of supporting you , what they tend to do and I'm generalizing here but they tend to minimize your success'm generalising here , but they tend to minimise your success .

Speaker 1 4:29

They try and make whatever you're trying to achieve bring it down to oh , you just got lucky , or you only did it because of this . Or they try to yeah , minimise your capability or of what you've been able to achieve or what you are achieving . They find reasons why you can't do what you're doing . You know they start to say oh , it must be nice , I could never do that . Or you're only able to do this because of this . They can't even justify in their heads that it's possible that they went . You know that you actually had to work very hard to make this happen , because they would never be able to do that . And they try to pull you back to their level . They say you've changed . Why don't you remember the good old days ? Or why don't you remember the good old days ? Or why don't you come out and do this ? Or you know , you've made so many sacrifices , all these different things . Now , these aren't bad things . These are all choices that you've made to get you to where you want to be , and that's okay .

Speaker 1 5:14

The lesson here , though , is the people who criticize you right on your path are often they're not attacking you , right ? They really aren't . They do not know what they do . They're defending their own limitations . Let me say that again the big , big lesson here and this will be for the entire episode is the people who criticize you and your path often are not actually attacking you . It's not personal , it's actually personal to them . They're defending their own limitations . So just let that sink in .

Speaker 1 5:44

The

Tall Poppy Syndrome Explained

Speaker 1 5:45

next one that I want to talk about is tall poppy syndrome . Now , this is a huge thing here in Australia and it just seems to be that people cut down those who stand out . If you're unfamiliar with tall poppy syndrome , it's this idea that when someone rises above the rest or are doing something different , which maybe might actually be a really good thing , people feel the need to cut them down . Let's say , someone comes out with a course , someone comes out with you know they've purchased a new house , or someone else has got a new car , or maybe they've been able to achieve running a marathon or make all these different things right . All these things , any little highlight reel in your life that is a success for you , tends to be a trigger for someone else to then come along and get all tall poppy syndrome and bring you down .

Speaker 1 6:29

So , as I said , when you start succeeding , someone will say you don't deserve it . You start making more money than them . Someone will assume you got lucky or you scammed people or you're a scammer . You work harder than the rest . Someone will tell you to relax because you're making the rest of us look bad . They might not say that like tangibly , but that's what they're implying . Again , why does this happen ? And the reason why is because when people see what you're doing and they're not or then they won't or haven't they project their own insecurities onto you . It's ridiculous , it is absolutely ridiculous . But the lesson here is the higher you rise , the more resistance you will face . Right , but don't shrink yourself to make others uncomfortable . A really good example of this is one of my .

Speaker 1 7:17

The people that I've looked up to , been inspired by for a very long time has been Pat Flynn , and he's got his own YouTube channel . He's got his multiple YouTube channels actually and really successful gentleman and lovely fellow . And he when he he lost his job way back when it was when he was working as an architect , and he lost his job and he decided that he was going to risk it all and start selling , you know , doing stuff online . He was doing a blog and he was doing services around blogging and stuff online , and that meant he had to move his whole family back home . He had to move back in with his parents . He had to do all these different things because of the circumstances , but he knew that if he could do this and make it work , the long-term benefits are going to outweigh everything else .

Speaker 1 8:02

But in the moment he talks about the amount of , just the amount of people that I guess abused him in the sense , were rude and said oh look , you're only able to do this because you live at home or you know , you're not really telling us the full story . Why don't you get a real job and then you can afford to have your own place ? All these different things , disgusting things . And I've felt the same thing . Now I can't say that I've made it things . And I've felt the same thing . Now I can't say that I've made it .

Speaker 1 8:29

I am nowhere near where I want to be . I'm very comfortable , I can pay all my bills , I live a very happy lifestyle , I've got plenty of savings , I've got investments , I've got rental properties , all these different things , all great things . But what some people might not know and I've shared it numerous times , because I still live at home . I still live at home with my folks and I took that sacrifice in the sense of knowing that , well , if I'm going to go out on my own and build a business that suits my lifestyle , there's going to have to be some sacrifices to make , because the bank won't touch me until they know that I've got a very certain amount of money incoming on a regular basis and a lot of my money that comes in I put straight back into the business to see it grow . And a lot of my money that comes in I put straight back into the business to see it grow .

Speaker 1 9:06

And a lot of people can't handle this . It makes them uncomfortable , even though I'm being successful in so many different areas . Maybe it's not the success that I want , or maybe they don't see it as success , but they start to justify that it's not good enough because they would never be able to do it the way that I'm . Doing . It To them to be successful or to be at a certain level or a certain status , or to meet their approval , you have to meet this certain criteria . That ticks off all these boxes . It cracks me up and it's sad . It really is sad and in the past that has really frustrated me and it has Mentally it has hurt me . But the more I look at it , now I'm able to continue to move forward and take on the new challenges , the new growth levels that I want to see for myself personally in my life . And yeah , five years from now , 10 years from now , hopefully , I'll look back and think , well , these people were a nothing to those moments , because look at what I've been able to do and achieve because I was willing to take a sacrifice and take a risk and live a different way . That makes other people uncomfortable . It's very funny . But it kind of leads me on to the next one .

Speaker 1 10:15

Outsiders project their discomforts onto you . People don't see

People's Opinions Reflect Their Insecurities

Speaker 1 10:20

you as you are right . No one's living my life , no one's living your life . People can't see what you're thinking , what you're doing , how you're experiencing it , your POV . They see you or us through a lens of their own experiences , their own beliefs and their own insecurities . And I guess look at it this way have you ever noticed how a jealous person assumes everyone is competing with them ? A dishonest person assumes everyone else is lying . A fearful person assumes risk-takers are reckless . These are all generalizations . I get that . But when people judge your choices , the decisions you're making , they're often actually just projecting their own fears and limitations back onto you .

Speaker 1 10:59

A good example of this is I can talk about this because I've done it when you quit your stable job to chase something new , I was earning $160,000 , have a really great career , a really good , I guess , ahead of me what could possibly turn into something great , bigger and better . But when I brought it down to the roots of what I wanted , it wasn't what I wanted . So therefore , I decided to take the risk to step away , start this podcast , build a business , and that changed my life . It changed everything for me . It's been the best thing that I ever did . A risk taker look , people will admire your courage , but someone who's scared of that change , they'll call you irresponsible , or they'll call you silly , or that you're doing career suicide or that it's not realistic all these different things .

Speaker 1 11:52

People's opinions of you say more about themselves than they do about you . That's the lesson here . People's opinions of you say more about them than they do about you , so don't let it stick to you . Number four is never put the key to your happiness in someone

Finding Happiness Within Yourself

Speaker 1 12:11

else's hands . This is a tough one . It's a big trap . It really is a really big trap , because thinking that once you get their approval you're finally happy or you'll feel worthy or you'll feel successful . That is not the case . The truth is , approval is conditional . What they like today , they'll criticize tomorrow .

Speaker 1 12:28

Chasing validation is a constant process . No matter how much you achieve , it will never be enough for everyone , and you can't control people's perspectives . That's just the reality of it . Even if you do everything right , someone will find fault in it or where it doesn't make sense , and that might be whether it's truth or in their own head . That's just the fact . So the lesson here is if you want happiness , it's an inside job . It needs to come from you . The moment you stop relying on external validation , you become truly free .

Speaker 1 12:58

This is an area that I've always struggled with , but it's an area that is super important that you continue to work on . You need to respect yourself . You need to give yourself the permission to go do what it is that you want to do and find happiness in that man . I take some crazy risks . I am terrified , but I wouldn't change it for the world . I love it . It's so good We've made it this far . There's probably going to be more mistakes that I make , which hey , maybe people will get their satisfaction and they'll see me fail in their ideas . But if things don't work out the way that I want them to work out , I'm just going to find another way to bounce back . I'm going to find another way to move forward .

Speaker 1 13:34

When we give up , that's when you fail . But when you pursue forward one step at a time , you might have to take five steps to the side and then move forward . That's when you will succeed and that's when you will thrive and you can prove these people they were wrong . But it's not about proving they were wrong , right . It's just about that . Don't give up because someone else is bringing you down , right . Give up because you say that , okay , this is probably not actually worth my time anymore . I'm going to go do something else Now .

Speaker 1 14:00

There's a couple of other things here that I wanted to call out , and they're just a few other key truths that I think you should remember when we wrap up this episode . Number one is your life is yours . No one else is responsible for what you need to do , the risks you need to take , the sacrifices you make or the results that you achieve . It's yours . So what you put in is what you're going to get at . You're accountable , you're responsible . That's your baby right . So own it , own it . You need to own it right .

Speaker 1 14:26

The next one is criticism is often a sign that you're doing something right . If there's people around you criticizing you , bringing you down or talking about you or gossiping , it's probably because you're making moves . That makes them uncomfortable , either because they didn't do it themselves first , or they just don't like it , or simply because you're actually making better

Key Truths and Final Thoughts

Speaker 1 14:46

progress than themselves . People who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind . I'll say that again People who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind . The right people will support you . They will always support you loyally , support you , even when they don't mind . The right people will support you . They will always support you loyally , support you , even when they don't fully understand your journey . But there's always going to be people that aren't going to be there with you and they will try to bring you down . So the best way to silence the doubters is to succeed in your journey anyway .

Speaker 1 15:15

And the final thought that I'll leave with you before we wrap up is you were not born to be small , right ? If you spend your life trying to satisfy everyone else or others , or just a couple of people , you'll wake up one day realizing you never actually truly lived for yourself . And that was one of the big reasons why I stepped away from the nine to five was because I realized there was a whole bunch of things that I was doing and I was doing it for the wrong reasons , and I wanted to go build something of my own . That is my own legacy . So I had to step away from what I thought was the norm , thought was the right . So the question you need to ask yourself are you going to dim your light to make others comfortable or are you going to go live boldly ? You've got to learn to choose yourself always . Now . That's the message for you today .

Speaker 1 15:55

If you enjoyed this episode , please like , subscribe , comment . Let's continue the conversation , but please , if someone needs to hear this , give it a share , send it to them , make them have a listen , or ask them to have a listen and see if it resonates with them . Right , because at the end of the day , this has been a big , big , key component for my life and it continues to be on my journey , and I know there's many others that experience this . There's always going to be people that bring you down . Hey look , I am probably also someone that has done exactly what people have done to me , and that's why we need to be aware of it , and we'll be talking about this probably in some other episodes as well .

Speaker 1 16:30

But , like , why do things trigger us to make us feel uncomfortable when people go do something ? Right , they do it and you think , oh , I don't like that . Is it because you don't like it because you didn't do it ? Is it because , oh , you didn't have the guts to step out and do it yourself ? Or is it just because , good on them , they're being successful and you're not ? So you're just jealous , right ? We've all felt it . I felt it . Be honest . Be honest about it . All right , appreciate you being here . We'll be back here next week doing it all again . You have a wonderful day , cheers .