Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you. Episode 203 today. And again, I'm still getting used to of being in the 200s and that in itself is a really good example of what I want to talk about today, because when you know who you are and what you want, you're able to achieve really, really great things, and to me, hitting 200 episodes and beyond is a great achievement.

Now I'm not here to talk about me and my achievements, but I'm here to talk to you about this topic, which actually came to me from a prompt, and it's something that I think maybe it takes us too long in life to really think about it. I mean, for me, this probably became very evident, very relevant to me, not until my late 20s, early 30s and I mean I'm not that old, but the reality of it is I think this gets pushed out further and further down the line because we get too busy with life and being dictated by what other people say and what society suggests and what just the media portrays. And the prompt that I want to share with you today that we will be diving into is this If you don't spend enough time getting to know yourself, you'll end up absorbing everyone else's definition of you. Now, that's brutal, because the question we're asking ourselves today is who are you really? And if it's something that maybe you've struggled with or maybe you're not really sure about knowing yourself and it's true If you don't spend enough time with yourself, how are you meant to get to know who you are, what you stand for, your values, what you truly want? And if you don't do that, then guess what the world is going to decide that for you. So we're going to discuss about this today. We'll go through a whole bunch of different things, and I really hope this can really challenge and prompt you to look after yourself, to get to know yourself, to really understand what it truly means to be you and what do you want in life. So, if this sounds like something that is relevant to you, please get comfy, get cozy, sit back and relax and enjoy the show. But most of all, if you do enjoy this, hit subscribe. And also, if you think someone else should hear this, please share it to someone, share it with your friends, family or just send it directly to someone that you know needs a big kick up the butt. Appreciate you being here.

Let's dive in. We don't want the world to decide for us who we are and what we believe in, our standards and all those different things. Sure, the world's going to shape those things regardless. Our upbringing is going to define a lot of that as well, but we still get to identify who we are. Your identity will be shaped by what other people think about you, what society thinks about you, what society expects and, I guess, what's convenient rather than what's actually really true for you.

And this is really important because there's a whole bunch of things that we need to go through to help you get a better understanding of this, and there's probably three areas. One is why we absorb other people's definitions of us. Two, how do we actually get to know ourselves? And then three, what changes when you take back control. So the first thing that I really want to dive into, that I think is super important, and again, I think it takes us a while until past our teenage years, even past our early adult years. Unless you're really tapped into this from an early day, we probably go through life not realizing, and that's why there's probably so many midlife crises, because so many people don't even realize who they are until a lot later in life, once a big event has happened in their lives Usually a death, unexpected death, or maybe a divorce, or maybe something at work has happened. And that's when we make this drastic change to really define or redefine who we are.

So, number one how we lose ourselves to other people's opinions. Most of us look I mean look I'm generically speaking here and generally speaking here but most of us don't actively decide to let others define us. It tends to just gradually happen in small ways. It's like a bad habit. You know, we get praised for something, so you keep doing it, even though it's not necessarily something that you love to do. It's like when a dog when you're training a dog, it does something. You want it to keep doing that, so you give it a treat. Therefore, it thinks oh, if I do this, I get a treat, so I'll just keep doing it. It's exactly the same thing. You become told the same thing. You become told, or you get told, that you should follow a certain path you never really question it or you see other people doing it or a majority of people doing it. Therefore, you think, oh, this must be right. And then you also, you tend to adapt to fit in, or we tend to adapt to fit in, because you know, standing out feels uncomfortable. We don't want to be the one that's the guy in the corner or the girl in the corner.

The weirdo, but the reality is, is you're just actually following everyone else like a sheep to their slaughter and, before you know it, you're living a version of yourself that was shaped by others and not even by yourself. Does this sound like you? Do you ever feel like you're chasing things that don't actually fulfill you, that actually don't get you excited, that actually aren't part of who you really are? That's probably because they weren't your dreams or ideas or ambitions in the first place. They weren't yours, they were someone else's and it's been projected onto you and therefore you've taken that onto your own accord and you feel like that is your mission, your vision, your game plan, your goal, your whatever it may be, and I feel like that happens a lot. We see other people being successful in areas we think I could do this. You get into it. You get excited because now you're impressing that person when really this isn't even the thing you like to do. You might like to just paint, model cars or something, but you've decided to go down a different route and do something else because you think that was more exciting, based on the experience you felt. Seeing someone else do it doesn't actually mean that it is something that you really enjoy. We'll get to why most people don't know themselves.

This is a big and really deep conversation, and I think it's also something which, like I, mean some people. I don't think you'd be triggered by it, but you're going to have to get really tough with yourself and ask these tough questions. Now I've got a whole bunch of notes here that I'm going to be reading from to really probe into this, because I really want to make sure we do this right. But let's be real right Self-awareness. It's not like it's a conversation that us this stuff and it's not just sitting in a room thinking about life or pondering life. It's actually really questioning, like asking the tough questions about what you've accepted as truth and asking yourself things such as do I actually like this, or have I just been told I should? Right? Am I making choices based on what excites me, or is it something that makes other people happy? Are you a people pleaser? Maybe If I was stripped away from all the expectations of my family, of my friends and society, who would you be?

And there is this famous statement quote I don't know, actually, who it's from but if you strip away everything of who you are your identity, your family, your money, everything, what you're left with is your true core character, self. And that could be a really good person or a really bad person. But the key thing here is most people never really stop to ask those three questions. We don't really stop, we don't do it. We don't learn it in high school. We don't necessarily get taught this from our parents or in our upbringing. Instead, we just kind of let the world shape our reality and our identity. Kind of like wet clay, it just gets molded into whatever is easiest or what fits or where you slide into. If you don't define yourself I'll say it again if you do not define yourself, if you do not figure it out, it's going to get done for you, whether you like it or not. That's just the reality of it. You get put in a box, you get kind of carved out and that's what you'll take identity with. So how do we actually reclaim our identity? How do we stop absorbing other people's definitions?

If you feel like you're living by someone else's script, it's time to really take back that control, right? If you feel like you're just living a life that's been written out for you, because you're just following the norm, you're just doing what everyone else does, then this is the thing that you need to do. Number one is you need to spend time alone, but actually listen to yourself. You know, we are surrounded by so many noises, so many opinions, so many expectations and so many distractions. It's very easy. It's very easy to just not be able to spend any focused time on you. So when was the last time you actually sat in silence and actually just listened and understood about your thoughts?

For me, this has been running. For me Now, I haven't been running for a while because I've got an injury which is frustrating me so much, but I was able to get out, get into a trance and really just break down who I am, my life, the things I'm dealing with, the things that I'm thinking about Now. For some, maybe running isn't for you, but you could go for a walk, don't take your phone. You could take some music, but sometimes you don't need the music and just let your mind wander, let your mind go to places of what you actually need to think about, and there's this thing that I think about, called top of mind. The things that are popping up in your head are the things you need to be dealing with. You get rid of all those things and then you're left with some real deeper stuff, and that's what you want to tap into. Number two is what we can do, is we can question everything you think you should do. This one, it's going to be a bit gutsy, I'm not going to lie.

When things come to you, then people say you should be doing this, you need to ask yourself why do you believe what you believe, like, why are people telling you this and do you believe that or do you not believe it? Do you feel like you should be doing this? And why do you feel like you should be doing this? And why do you feel like you should be doing this? Is it because someone else has told you and everyone else is doing, or is it because it's something you actually believe in? And then you have to ask yourself where did this idea even come from? You've been comfortable to do this approach, but why has it come from someone else? Has it always been something you've liked to do personally, or did someone else introduce it you and you got to really then bring it down to? Is it really truly aligned with who you are and the values that you believe in and that stand by?

You know there's a lot of people that say they, oh, I'm all for this or I stand behind that, but then, when it comes to it, they can't explain it, they don't understand it or they don't want the public to know about it. And that is that. Because it's not yours to own and it's only being given to you from someone else's ideas and you want to be part of that trend. You've got to keep it real right. So we've got to understand is it just stuff that we've been taught and we've accepted, or is it actually stuff that we've acknowledged and taken ownership of as part of our own identity?

Number three is we can follow our curiosity, not just what's expected of us. Right, if money, if status, if opinions didn't matter, what would you pursue? What would you be doing? And it's a very cliche question, but the reality is is like you do need to really understand. What would it be if it wasn't about money, if it wasn't about status, if it wasn't about opinions? What would you be doing? What activities make you lose track of time?

Because those are the things that you're passionate about, those are the things that you enjoy. You get into a trance with those things. What are they? But also you should ask yourself what excites you? What? What, yeah, what excites you? And even if it doesn't excite you sorry, the question is what excites you, even if it doesn't make sense to others. What's your weird and wonderful? What are the things that excite you? And maybe other people think it's weird, but you don't care anyway. What's that?

Number four is you want to set boundaries. You want to set strong boundaries on external influence, and you need to ask yourself who are you allowing to shape your perception of yourself? The people that you surround yourself with. You want to understand. What are they reflecting or mirroring onto you? Are they reflecting things that you want to become or are they boxing you into something that you're not? Excuse me, the key thing here is you want to protect your identity by limiting the voices that don't serve you, but this is very hard to do if you do not know who you are, what you want, your values and all those different things.

So what actually happens when you finally know yourself? When you truly know yourself, a few things will change right. These are some of the indicators that I think we can start to tap into or understand or identify that this is when you start to know yourself. Number one is you stop feeling pressured to prove yourself to others. Number two is you will say no to things that don't align with who you are. You will, I guess, yeah, you will pursue what excites you, not what impresses others.

And number four is you start to make choices that will actually fulfill things that make you happy, things that bring you joy, things that you're just happy to do without a worry in the world of anyone else thinking about it. Who cares if it doesn't impress other people? If you're impressed by it, if you're happy with it, if you're excited, that's all that matters. Why does it matter if it doesn't impress someone else, even your closest loved ones? They don't have to be doing exactly the same thing as you. Sure, that's going to bring you even more joy, but it's okay that other people aren't impressed by it. That's your thing. They might feel proud of you achieving things in those spaces, but they don't have to be, you know, impressed by it all the time, because they're going to be things, they're going to be focusing their focus on things, right.

And, most importantly, you need to stop feeling lost, because you've built a solid foundation on who you are. You won't feel lost, right? That's the reality of it. When you know who you are, when you know what you want, when you know yourself, you won't feel lost, right? When you know what you want, when you know yourself, you won't feel lost, right.

So there's a final thought here, and it comes back to you know, it's time to take control, and I've got a whole bunch of things here that I want to read back out to you to really finish this strong If you don't spend the time getting to know yourself again, the world is going to define that for you. We don't want to let trends, expectations or other people's opinions shape your identity. And the thing you got to ask yourself is and you owe this to yourself, you owe this to yourself is who am I really? And the answer is not going to come to you overnight. The answer is not going to necessarily come straight away, but it's going to be a journey of finding out. You know it is. It's going to be a journey of finding out and it's going to be one of those most important things that you will do with your life.

So the question I'll leave you with today as we finish up is who are you when no one is watching, and who do you want to be for the rest of your life? If there's things that you don't like, why don't you like them? Or if there's things that you're doing that you're just doing because you're just doing like them? Or if there's things that you're doing that you're just doing because you're just doing, why are you doing them? Discover these things, answer these questions, and you'll be one step closer to figuring out who you are and who you really are. Appreciate you being here.

If this is something you want to chat about, if this is something you want to continue the conversation on, jump down below into the comments. More than happy to continue the conversation here on YouTube comments. If you're listening to this, you can reach out to me, hit me up on the DMs, or you can just simply jump back over to the YouTube video and leave a comment there as well. But most of all, if you did enjoy this, make sure you like subscribe. Help us grow this channel, help us help other people further their lifestyle. But, most of all, if you think someone else needs to hear this, please share it with them directly. Appreciate you being here. You have a wonderful day, cheers.