Speaker 1: 0:00

Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the For the Lifestyle Podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you. Episode 197 today and we're kind of continuing on from last week's episode. In episode 196, we really spoke about this topic or this theme or, I guess, this understanding of basically what if the struggles we face are less about what's happening and more about how we're choosing to interpret them, and it was all about that perspective. Well, we're continuing that kind of conversation and I've got a follow-on from this and it really goes down to a slightly similar point. But it's what if the biggest limitation in your life isn't your circumstances but the way you see your role in them? And I think this is a really great conversation because the control we have sometimes we might not realize that we actually have a lot more control of everything in our lives than we realize. And I know it seems like well, of course we have control of our lives, but we get so stuck in whether it's routines or other people's stories or other people's dreams, or we get so focused on what we're doing in the moment that we're not actually realizing that we don't have to do this. Now, this isn't an episode to talk you into. You know, don't follow the normal nine to five or anything like that. I know it is a conversation that comes up on the channel. I really want to make sure you help yourself realize that perspective can limit our perceived control and when we change that, when we reframe it, when we have a better understanding of how things are actually happening, you might actually be able to further your lifestyle. And that's the conversation today. So, if you enjoy these episodes, if you enjoy this episode, make sure you do like subscribe, leave a comment we can continue the conversation down in the comments or if you really enjoyed this and you think someone else could really benefit from it, please share it. That would mean the absolute world to me. Let's roll the intro, let's get into it. That would mean the absolute world to me. Let's roll the intro, let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 2:15

So, as I said, the topic that I really want to talk about today and it's a statement again that I found and it's continuing on from kind of last week's episode was what if the biggest limitation in your life isn't your circumstances but the way you see your role in them and it really comes down to not realizing the control that we have. And I think this, firstly, it starts off with perspective limits, our perceived control. So there's a lot of blind spots in our thinking, similar to how maybe we spoke about it last week. Right, you know how we're brought up. You know that really does impact how we turn out right. The know how we're brought up, you know that really does impact how we turn out right. The experiences that we go through, the beliefs that we have, the fears that we experience when we're younger. It can create all these mental blind spots. And sometimes these blind spots can be because we push them down, we suppress them, compartmentalize and we just focus on, you know, the things that we want to see and we ignore them. But sometimes we have experiences and things which just make it really normal for us, make us really comfortable with something, whereas for others it's a struggle. Right?

Speaker 1: 3:14

And the big common I guess generalized cliche conversations around this would be a big one would be around money. How everyone perceives money is different. Depending if you grow up with a lot of money, people take it for granted. Depending if you didn't, you know, grow up with money, some people, you know, really defensive and have really big issues and emotional attachment to money. We're not talking about money today, but that's just an example, right. And I think one thing for me was and look, it's probably not I knew I could do it, but I just didn't know how easy it was to do. And a good example of this is, like you know, I used to think that maybe I couldn't achieve what I wanted to achieve today, right, you know I've been doing this for five years now the podcast and also doing, you know, my reselling business. I knew I wanted to have all those things, but you just really don't know how it's going to play out. And you know there's a lot of people that think that they can't change their career because maybe it's too late or I'm too old, or you know what happens if I fail. But the truth is is like a lot of it just comes down to fear, like when you actually take execution, it's really not that bad. You can figure it out. And you know I'd been working for someone else for seven, eight years and you know, when I left there, it wasn't the end of the world. I can do it again for another seven, eight years.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Look, we all have an average lifespan of, you know, greater than 76. I'm not saying that you know you should just delay things till later because you've got time. But the reality is is when circumstances change when we do need to actually have to pivot and adjust. You do have time where, you know, a lot of the time we think our lives are over and we're only 30. Like, I can speak to that from my own experience because, you know, I'm mid thirties. But even if you're 40 or if you're a bit older, you can go out and do things. You can change things within three months, you can change things within nine months. You can change things within a year, a couple of years, and it hasn't really been a big big time sink into your life. So I hasn't really been a big big time sink into your life.

Speaker 1: 5:05

So I think that's the one thing is, we do have these blind spots of our thinking and we get, I guess we just diminish ourselves and our ability to be able to do. I think the other thing is then we get comfortable with blaming external factors. This is a huge one because in this day and age there are a lot of things going on taking our attention, distractions. But it's very easy to lose the sense of accountability and responsibility because it's easier to say I don't have time or blame it on other things, when really you're just not prioritizing what matters. And when we shift that blame and we take responsibility for our actions or for being lazy, then things will change. The other one is we tend to have this illusion this is huge, it surprises me so much and I've got an example of this but the illusion that we have no option I know stress and fear can be a big, big issue when it comes to actually trying to take action like it makes us feel trapped. It makes us feel that we don't have any choices and I laugh at this now because really we just got to get over ourselves.

Speaker 1: 6:13

But the amount of people that they get stuck in the thick of a challenge, like it's too hard to see what's the next step, it's too hard to see where to go from here. They give up and they stop and they think they have no options, when really they've got so many options ahead of them. So all you've got to do is just focus on one step forward. What's the next step? How do we solve for this? Ask the right questions and it's like with my business. I've been doing it for five years.

Speaker 1: 6:38

I've seen so many people come and go and disappear because it didn't work for them, which is fine if it doesn't work for you, but usually when they say it didn't work for me, it if it doesn't work for you, but usually when they say it didn't work for me, it came. It was too much hard work, they couldn't figure out how to make it work or they struck a problem and they couldn't solve it. So therefore, it's too much hard work. We'll go do something else and look for something else that's going to stick. Now, look, that's great. You do need to work around and find what sticks, what you enjoy, what you love, and I've spoken about this numerous times. If you know why you're doing it, if you know how to do it, if you enjoy doing it, if you have it, if it aligns to your values, if it aligns to your purpose, if it makes you happy, then go do it. But if you're doing it for the wrong reasons, sure, it's going to be very hard to do it.

Speaker 1: 7:16

It just surprises me that the amount of people that give up because they think they have no options when they have so many opportunities ahead of them and the ability to be able to execute in this day and age. So how do we actually start to realize we do have the power to have control right, and I think the first one is we have control over our reactions, right. It surprises me that, though we can't always control what happens, we can control how we respond, and I think as we mature, we become more patient in understanding that. Okay, this is a situation. I've got a moment here to kind of really decide what I want to do. If you want to get on your high horse and get really aggressive and act erratic, you've got to own that right. There comes consequences with it. Same way, whereas if you are going to be know, if you are going to be kind, if you are going to be, you know, vulnerable and try and be peaceful, that has consequences too, because people can take advantage of that.

Speaker 1: 8:18

But a good example of this is when someone criticizes you. You can't control what they're saying to you or what they're going to say to you, but you can control how much power you give them over your emotions. Now, this is a tough one. This is a really hard thing to do because I struggle with it when people say things about me, but I'm learning more and more not to care about it. I'm learning more that those issues that people criticize me on they're their own issues that you know they're uncomfortable with, maybe what I'm doing or because they weren't able to do it. Therefore, they want to bring me down to help them feel better about themselves, when really they're just taking a stab at themselves and it gets very complex and it's quite sad, right. So you do need to find a way that you can learn to control your emotions in terms of not giving anyone else the benefit to be able to, you know, get off over making you feel bad or crap about yourself. So you have control over that.

Speaker 1: 9:13

The other one is we have control over our daily choices. Cheeky little coffee for those that are watching here I just got my further lifestyle mug. I've had a few comments about it. Anyway, we continue on. So control over our daily choices.

Speaker 1: 9:25

I think what we forget is when we make small decisions over a long period of time, daily, they will add up into some really big changes. Yet we just continuously try to make massive action in one day, but we continue to make lots of little bad choices constantly over a long period of time. A good example is you think you can go to the gym, smash out a two-hour session once a week and it's going to change everything when daily, you're still picking out on doing things. I'm talking to myself, right, it doesn't work. You need to be doing constant things daily over a long period of time to null out the negative things that you're doing. Of course, you need to stop the negative things too, right, but if you're choosing to wake up like 30 minutes earlier, it may seem small, but it can create extra space for that exercise. It can create extra space for you to do some readings and planning or whatever you want to do for the day. So we do have control over our daily choices.

Speaker 1: 10:18

The next one is our control over mindset, and again, this is easier said than done, but with practice and obviously doing it daily, becomes a little bit easier. So when we shift our mind from a victim mindset to more of an ownership mindset, it can transform our situations. A good example of this is, instead of saying why is this happening to me, try asking what can I do about it A very common thread, theme that we talk about here on the podcast. Instead of saying why is this happening to me, try asking what can I do about it? You know, in the past it was very easy to push the blame away, but when I started to wanted to level up in my life, in my work as well before I was working for myself, being proactive, thinking beyond myself as things occurred as problems, you know, rose, what can I do about it? How can I mitigate it? How can I then come to my boss, not with a problem, but come with them as like okay, this is the situation.

Speaker 1: 11:13

This is what I'm thinking we can do. I want your thoughts on it. How can you support me? Is this going to be a good idea? Like, don't just get things, take the problem and make it someone else's problem. If you're in a situation where you think you can help make it a better situation, take ownership of it. Talk to the people that you need to talk to and get moving on it. Be proactive. Be proactive.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Now I'm not saying take all matters into your own hands. What I'm saying is you've got to read the room, read the situation, understand. Is there something here that I can do that is going to enable us to take control over the mindset of the situation and turn it into a great opportunity. That's what I love about business the amount of times I've had people tell me that this will not work, you cannot do it, it's not really worth it. I wouldn't even bother doing this myself. Well, again, they're all things that are related to those individuals, but it does hurt.

Speaker 1: 12:04

But at the same time I figure it out, as I've hit problems, I feel like no, no, no, we have to figure this. I know this is possible. How hard can it be? We just got to solve for what it is. Let's probe it, let's push it, let's continue to try new things and figure it out, and that's how you make progress. So what are the practical steps that we can do to recognize and exercise control?

Speaker 1: 12:26

I think the first one is having a bit of an audit of your life. Now, this might sound a bit overwhelming, but when you go through your life and identify areas where you feel stuck, take some time to brainstorm what small actions you can take to start to really revolutionize this part of your life. An example of this if you feel stuck at your job, start by updating your resume or exploring online courses. Now, what I mean by that is, if you're stuck at your job because you feel bored, you're not growing, you're not learning, you can start to potentially find other places to work right, or have a conversation with your boss and say, hey look, this is what I want to do and I want to try and continue to upskill myself. And can I be doing something on a constant basis to get better at another part of the business, so that I can continue to grow, learn and become a better version of myself, but also provide you even more value and, of course, hopefully get that raised too?

Speaker 1: 13:24

Another way of doing this is like maybe, if you are struggling to lose weight, can you find a way to do something very small, simple, easy, constantly, daily going forward. What does that look like? Does it mean cutting out a meal? Does it mean fasting? Does it mean just doing a 10 minute walk, maybe not walking at all, doing something that's a little bit more. That's going to get you ahead.

Speaker 1: 13:47

I think the other thing is then we need to start to focus on our controllables. We can't control the weather right, but we can decide whether to bring an umbrella or reschedule our plans. So when you look over your life, start to see okay, what can I control? What can I actually make a difference in? What can I do to have a better day in the life or, you know, to have a better, I guess, experience of life? What can I do to do things which are going to make me want to move forward?

Speaker 1: 14:17

And, again, whether it can be a huge, easy, you know, manipulator of our, I guess, how we're feeling, our mood, our emotions, our attitude. But we can be prepared for those things. Right, and I know this sounds, it might sound just really petty. I now understand why people put things in place to be prepared, and I'm not going to the extremes, but you know, if you aren't, if you commute to work every week or every day, have an umbrella sitting in your car so that way you can never get to the train station or get to work and realize it's raining and now I'm going to get drenched. And I'm not saying you go for your life and try and identify every single little thing, but if you reflect over the last 30 days, over the last 60 days, over the last 90 days, and what were the things that frustrated you, how can you mitigate those frustrations? How can you put yourself in control in these situations Like these are simple things, but they will be game changes for your life.

Speaker 1: 15:15

You know, one thing that you know Carla and I have spoken about is like you know, when we do have our own place and you know at the moment it's not fully ours, et cetera. When Carla and I do have our own place and you know at the moment it's not fully ours, et cetera. When Kyle and I do have our own place, it's like you know what are the things that we want to do versus not do. How do we prep our food? How do we, you know, do the cleaning? Who's going to do the maintenance of the house? And there's a lot of things that we'd like to outsource. Right, because we know that our time can be better used for different things and we can control those things. Because those things make us frustrated, those things make us annoyed, those things, you know, they tend to just not make us happy, but if we have someone else doing it and it gets done for us, we can spend our time where we want to spend it and we can control that. That way they don't make us frustrated. Right, understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 16:02

The other thing is also embracing micro-wins. We tend to forget how powerful riding small wins can be. It helps us build momentum and helps us find confidence and it helps us become a better version of ourselves. If you want to get healthier, start by drinking more water each day, and it's those small steps that again gives you back that control and gives you that ownership and gives you that winning feeling. If you want to win at life, you've got to do things that winners do. Put things in your life that's going to enable you to have a better outcome.

Speaker 1: 16:33

I think the other one is then there's these whole different realizations around hidden controls, and I guess there's probably three areas that I think where maybe we don't find them, obviously, but they're actually obviously sitting right there in the front of us, and what I mean by this is realizing hidden control can be found in career growth, relationships and health, the first one being career growth and the amount of people that just don't seek feedback or don't take on learning opportunities or new skill opportunities, but they expect to be promoted, that they expect to grow, they expect to be in a better position. You need to find ways to learn, you need to find ways to do better, you need to find ways to seek feedback. You need to find ways to get into that loop of like okay, execute, do it. What worked, what didn't work? Get some feedback. How do we do better next time? Upskill yourself and now you're ready to step up to the next level and get that promotion when it comes to relationships, choosing to listen more actively or communicating how you're feeling, instead of expecting other people to just read your mind or just to change based on what you need. If you're not communicating, how are people going to know?

Speaker 1: 17:43

And the other one is then health, like this is. It's the most simplest thing and I know this because I'm talking to myself here when we just start focusing on better habits, rather than blaming on genetics or I'm just not built that way, or don't have enough time, just change your habits. It's really that simple, and we have such ability to take control of these things, yet we don't. We're so lazy. So my question to you is like what if, today, you decided to just take control of one thing, be it your attitude, you change how you leverage your time, is it your actions? What could that one choice be, and what can that one choice have an effect on? Now, you might not know what the effect will be, but I want you to document it, I want you to track it. You know, just do a little journal Yep, feeling great today I had some more water and see what it's like after 30 days.

Speaker 1: 18:34

Or you're going to get up 30 minutes earlier and just read a book, or do the things that you want to achieve this year. You want to start running. You don't have the time to do it. Find 30 minutes, get up earlier. Like, yeah, there's sacrifices, there's compromises, but it becomes routine and it becomes a better way of living because you're doing what you want to do. Right, that's what we're talking about. Right, and I want to empower you with that.

Speaker 1: 18:55

I think the other thing is like what's one area of your life where you've been waiting for change and nothing's changed, but you can actually take control right now to make a change. Like what is that? And there's so many times like I'm going through a process of doing some changes myself. I can't talk about this moment because it's not finalized, but when I got into myself into this situation a positive situation I wasn't expecting the outcome that I was expecting, because I got into this situation and then I realized I have no reason to say no to this other than I'm scared and the fear it's going to make me uncomfortable. I reflected on that prior to it. A good example is I've been doing markets for my recent market, taking the business there on the weekends once a month.

Speaker 1: 19:38

The first time I was so stressed, I was so worried. There was a checklist, all these things We've got to do this, we've got to do that. I don't know what I'm doing. How do we do it, what do we do? It was stressful. It was very stressful and it took four people to get me across the line like setting up and all these things. The second time it wasn't too bad, like we had a checklist, we knew what had to happen, but it was still pretty. You know, go, go, go. And it took, you know, two, three people to set up. The third time I didn't even think about it. I was probably more worried that I wasn't worried and I wasn't thinking about it and it went smooth. It took half the time to set up half the amount of people. We had a plan, I knew what had to happen. It was just easier.

Speaker 1: 20:15

When you get comfortable with being uncomfortable, things become easier and then you can make better progress and then you can start to add more to your cup, right? So, please, what can you take control of right now and change in your life? You've been waiting for the change you want. What can you do about it? How can you make it happen? That's my challenge to you. Really, do appreciate you being here. If you did enjoy this, like I said, please like, subscribe, comment. Let's continue the conversation. If someone else can benefit from this episode, share it with them, please. It would mean the absolute world to me. Appreciate you being here. You have a wonderful day. Cheers.