Trusting Your Gut

Speaker 1 0:00

Yo yo yo . Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles . My name's Chris , I'm your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you Episode 186 today and we're talking through a topic which is very dear to my heart . I'm very passionate about this . It's probably a thread that's been through so many other conversations over the last probably 6 , 7 , 8 , 12 weeks even but it comes down to the concept of trusting your gut . And again , this has come from a question that I've pulled out and I've got this statement that says well , it's a question more so , what's a piece of advice you ignored or went against that ended up being the right decision for you ? And this one's great because there's a lot of the time where we are faced with information or advice from other people and it can be challenging because we think , oh , is this someone giving me great feedback , or is this someone projecting ? And how does that play into what you're thinking and making your decisions on what you want to do ? And I want to really discuss that . I've got a personal experience on this one , multiple times actually , so I really do want to dive into this . We'll be answering that If you enjoy these episodes , if you enjoy this podcast , or if you're new here for the first time , make sure you do hit subscribe , leave a comment if you enjoy this conversation . But , as we go through , what I do ask is if you do enjoy this and if you feel like it is helping you further your lifestyle , share it , send it to someone else that you think can resonate with this . All right , we're going to roll the intro and we're going to get into it .

Speaker 1 1:39

The question was what's a piece of advice you've ignored or went against that ended up being the right decision for you , man ? There is a lot of this , but I think the main one that I want to explore is taking the chance on me , and I know this is a repeated conversation or topic that I bring here constantly , but at the end of the day , that's what this whole podcast is based off . For me to further my lifestyle , I'm going to have to make a drastic change that's going to enable me to grow and show others that this is possible to do , and I remember when I decided to make the decision to step away from the nine to five , to go , take a chance on myself and start reselling , build a podcast and pursue those dreams . There was people at work that I spoke to . There was a lot of people at work that I spoke to that were amazing and said do it , it is the best thing to do . Like they wish they had that . But then there was these other people which it was almost like because they were so scared to do it themselves . They projected that onto me and I remember some people saying you're crazy , you're nuts , it just doesn't make sense . Or they look at me like , oh wow , good luck with that . Like just no sense of care or empathy . And , look , I get it because it's not for everyone and I would never encourage someone to go step away from everything they know and take a really crazy chance like that . But at the same time , I would support someone if they did it .

Speaker 1 2:58

But at the end of the day , when people do give you advice or tell you things , you need to . Look , I struggle with this . When people give me feedback , when people give me a point or a comment , I can get defenses pretty much straight away , because I'm probably one that does better in flesh , in person , in conversation like this , because I can read mannerisms , I can read understanding and the way someone is behaving and their structure and all that jazz . But when it comes over a message , is there a context ? Where is this coming from ? What's your tone , what are you referring to ? And it comes off the cuff and it really does come out feeling like I'm getting slapped . So I'm not one to necessarily take on unsolicited advice from anyone . If there's things there which I think , oh , actually , maybe I need to really revisit this . But I digress here . There's been a lot of .

Speaker 1 3:51

I think my biggest moments in which I've gone against other people's insight or advice is the doubters . There's been a lot of people , especially in the last one and a half years of me changing my business , really focusing on clothing , outsourcing , hiring people , going cost heavy , the amount of people that are saying this is not realistic , you're not even making a huge profit . No , I'm not making a huge profit . There's people here that think that's ridiculous and look it's ridiculous to them because they wouldn't be able to live off that money and , to be honest , no one really can live off such a low wage , like such a low income . But it's circumstantial , it's a timing thing , it's a seasonal thing , it's something which I'm also willing to take the risk for .

Speaker 1 4:33

And there's this I've spoken about this , I think I spoke about it in one of my vlogs where , imagine if we did listen to the doubters , imagine if we did follow the advice of those that told us that we weren't good enough . Imagine if we followed the input of those that told us that we suck or that this doesn't make sense or it's not realistic or we're a fraud or a fake . Imagine if we followed that advice , how crap our lives would be , because , one , you would go against your gut , you would go against your instincts , you would go against your very core being of you being able to make this happen yourself as an individual , being independent . So one , you would diminish that . And secondly , is you're just feeding these people this idea that their idea exists and that's the reality .

Speaker 1 5:21

I think a lot of the time , there is this separation between what people are saying from their own projections and they're playing that out because they're telling you no , don't do this , that doesn't make sense , because to them they would never do it . Because it doesn't make sense . So therefore , that's why they explain it to you that way . It's why I always struggle with people that are telling me , oh , you shouldn't do this when they're not even doing it themselves , like they're not even operating in the same ecosystem , in the same space or they're not even playing in the same concept , kind of thing , right ? You wouldn't have necessarily someone that's never played drums come tell you how to play the drums . So you need to do this to be a better drummer . Okay , thanks for the feedback , but sorry , have you taught drums before ? With the feedback , but sorry , have you taught drums before ?

Speaker 1 6:05

And there's a level of it where some people are just providing some feedback oh , maybe you did too many fills or maybe you were a bit too loud . That's a different kind of feedback , right ? People are telling us like , oh , you should , I don't like the way you play , like , again , that's opinion , right , but everyone not everyone's going to be on the same level of understanding . We're all in different parts of our lives , we're all running our own different races , and that's why opinion's fine , opinion's great , because we're all entitled to it . But I don't think we're entitled to push our opinions onto other people and then , when other people , when you don't agree with it , or when other people don't agree with it , that you push it harder . That's a dictatorship , right ? That's pushing other people into a space which is of your own doing , not of their own .

Speaker 1 6:47

So there is a fine line there where we need to be mindful of advice that comes from other people . And I'm very frank with when people do ask me things and I'll say , hey , look , it's a funny thing . It's because , like , we're very easy to say , oh , look , go do this , but something goes wrong . It might not work right . We do put caveats around it , but at the end of the day , if you're making a decision to do something , you need to stand behind it 100% . You need to back yourself . Don't do something on the basis of someone else telling you something , because maybe you look up to them right . You need to tangibly understand okay , is this advice warranted ? Is this advice good feedback ? Is this advice actually going to get me where I want to be ? And if it's not , it's okay to say no , it's okay to push it aside .

Speaker 1 7:30

But we can't become arrogant , we can't become stubborn and we can't become naive of also becoming self-aware , of knowing we need to become a better version of ourselves . Becoming a better version of ourselves does require going through some messy and gnarly things , right . Sometimes it is dealing with issues that we have with other people . It might be our self-worth . It might be how we value ourselves . It might be imposter syndrome , it could be dealing with tall poppy syndrome , all these different things .

Speaker 1 7:57

And I know this because I still struggle with it , especially with imposter syndrome , thinking I'm not good enough to get these results because I've been told I can't , or not thinking I can make it happen . But when you change the narrative of understanding why can't I make it happen , just because I haven't made it happen today doesn't mean it's not possible . And that's the beauty of the world we live in we can do and achieve what we want to achieve . Of course , we have to be willing to do the work . Just because someone else isn't willing to do it and they think it's not possible because they would never be able to do it , doesn't mean it's not possible for you . So you need to break those chains . You need to break those perspectives and mindsets and do not let other people have those influenced upon you . I also understand that this is easier said than done .

Speaker 1 8:44

None of this is going to be simple . None of this is going to be a cup of tea or a walk in the park . Dealing with advice is going to come from mentors , it's going to come from family , it's going to come from friends and it's going to come from randoms on the internet . But my advice would be to surround yourself with people that are rooting for you , that have the same energy for you and understand what it is you're trying to achieve , and I think then you'd have less opportunity to then go against it because , unfortunately , the people that love you , they want you to be happy , so sometimes they're not going to give you the best advice possible . Therefore , it's okay to go against it , but at the same time , hopefully , the ones that love you , on the contrary , are the ones that are going to tell it to you raw , bring it up to you and say hey , look , this is the reality of it and you can really have a deep and meaningful understanding of it . So it works both ways .

Speaker 1 9:37

There's been other moments of advice where , with my running , both ways there's been other moments of advice where , with my running , I've had people say you're too big to run . It's usually been negative stuff , unfortunately . I'm trying to think of a piece of advice that has come through which is probably actually really good advice . Maybe they've encouraged me that I could take a role , or I'd be really good at doing it and I didn't do it and look , we don't know what we don't know . So , like , just because you didn't do something , you didn't follow it , and it was the right decision because you're happier now . We don't know how happier we could have been following a different decision , but I think there's been times where I've decided to call off a deal , trying to purchase a house before , and just there was too many things just not going in the flow and I said no , and just there was too many things just not going in the flow and I said no , let's not do it , let's not make it happen . And it's been the right decision , it's been a godsend right . It's been a missed a bullet there , dodged a bullet

Making Decisions and Owning Them

Speaker 1 10:29

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Speaker 1 10:29

I think there's been other moments where choosing to separate or sorry , not separate , yeah , distance yourself from other people as well . That's been sometimes some very hard decisions , but in the end it's been some right decisions because , at the end of the day , who you surround yourself with is who . That's what your influence is going to become of . You'll become a mixture of those people that you are surrounding yourself with . So , picking who is the right people to hang around and not following necessarily the cliche of oh yeah , you should hang out with these people because they're the best of the best , but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best for you . So you know , there's a lot there to discuss , there's a lot of deepness , and I think the more we were to probe into this , we could probably get into some really interesting things .

Speaker 1 11:14

I'm actually continuing to think through if there's any other major moments where I haven't been able to take any advice and through if there's any other major moments where I haven't been able to take any advice and if I actually think back in some of my other episodes . I don't think there's been any . Let me just check . I'm just going to quickly scroll through and see if there's been any moments that I've spoken through . Okay , I'm back . I don't think there's anything that's coming to mind , but I think there is a whole bunch of other things which you know . Maybe it's probably going to be the to you as an audience , as an individual , because it's probably going to be something which we've all experienced , and that is the challenge of peer pressure , the challenge of validation , the challenge of cultural narratives and challenge of decision fatigue as well , and I've spoken about that before , but I think peer pressure I touched on this already is when we are making decisions understand , are we being pressured into this and therefore we don't have to just make a decision because they're friends , family or whatever . So really making sure we understand that .

Speaker 1 12:13

The other one is in cultural narratives , and this one this is a tough pill to swallow because a lot of the time , our upbringings , whether it's through religion , whether it's through culture , whether it's through just styles of upbringing , we can have our focus set on these , whether it's stigmas or ways of going about growing up . Therefore , we base our decisions on that , and sometimes we might have to step away from that . And I'm not saying to go against what you believe , but I am telling you to make sure that we do look at things holistically , that we do look at things from a logical , broader standpoint . Just because someone sends something to you and says , oh , I read it and this is truth , understanding where's this information coming from , what's the narrative from it ? What's the context , is it legit information ? Has it been checked ? How does it sit with you ? Does it make sense ? All those different things .

Speaker 1 13:04

The other one , then , to think about is validation . I don't think we need to seek validation when making decisions . If you make a decision and it feels right , stick with it . Own it . Own your decision making . If you own your decision , then you can be happy with it . Don't go make a decision and then try and justify it to other people to get their validation from it because you're not really owning your decision . Put your skin in the game , run with it and see what happens . Right , own your decisions rather than seek validations for your decisions .

Speaker 1 13:38

And I think the other one is like decision fatigue and just actually taking the courage to decide , and this is an encouragement to you . It's okay to take risks , it's okay to make choices based on your own beliefs and it's okay to even face the opposition . But what you can't do is tell other people , because you don't like the way they're doing it , because it doesn't fit your method or approach , that it's wrong . That's not true , because the way you're doing it might be the complete opposite to them . Therefore , is your way wrong and I'm starting to learn this is and I've got a lot of backlash from this is because I'm doing things my way which are different , which aren't usually traditional , which aren't really safe or secure , and it probably isn't the best advice for other people . I get challenged on it , but I'm not building my business or my lifestyle for other people , right , I'm building it for me .

Speaker 1 14:32

And everything that I do , I have to be willing to live with the consequences . That's why we take risks . You take a risk , there's a consequence . You have to be willing to take that consequence . It could be a really good , positive outcome consequence , or it could be really bad as well , and that's on me , it's got nothing to do with you . Of course , there's going to be people that will say I told you , but at the end of the day , there's people that are going to be like that , regardless of wherever you're from , whatever you're doing or whatever industry you're in .

Speaker 1 14:59

The other thing that I will just say is when it comes to getting advice from other people and not following it , I think then there's this being careful around questioning authority . The last five years , obviously that's been a big conversation because of the pandemic and , depending where you lived in the world , a lot of things changed what we were and were not allowed to do and how that was challenged from a norms perspective and is this right , is this violating me ? And things like that . I think there comes a level of making sure you're being sensible and mature about the things that you do decide to ignore . There are rules for a reason and there's boundaries for a reason , and people make decisions that fall into our own realms of operating as an individual whether it's a society rule or council rules or government rules or what you can and cannot do and I'm not saying that we shouldn't be following those rules at all , but what I'm trying to say is making sure , when you look at those things that do come through , that get passed down , that are out of our control , understand them from a methodical and broader and holistic view of the people that are making decisions that you know impact our lives . They're not doing it personally for us . They're doing it for the greater good of a majority of people , and sometimes we can get so stuck up in that the world revolves around ourselves that we forget that there are other people and there is not a majority meaning they're better than us , but there is a lot of people out there that all need to have , hopefully , the best outcome for everyone , even though not everyone's going to be happy by it . I just wanted to bring that one up , because obviously , me talking about this can bring up some conflicting and different narratives from that .

Speaker 1 16:47

Let's just recap I think that the key thing that I want to really remind people here is like it's okay to make your own decisions and to not follow blindly what other people are saying , but at the same time , we do need to do our research . We do need to understand why we're making these decisions . Why are we going against , maybe , advice that other people give us ? Is it feedback ? Is it conflict , constructive criticism , or is it information which just isn't valid or there's no right for it ? The other thing we need to also make sure is we're not being peer pressured . What is the cultural narrative that's coming into this ? But also , are we doing things to seek validation or are we doing things because we want to own it ? So there's a lot to dive into that .

Speaker 1 17:30

Now I'd love to hear from you what's a piece of advice that you've ignored or went against some time through your life and it ended up being the best decision you've made ? I would love to hear that . How has that gone for you ? For me , this has been the best decision for me to step away from the nine to five , to build my business , to continue to build it , and now I can just start to see things happening . It's still got a long journey to go , but I wouldn't change it for the world and that's because I've self-trusted myself , I've backed myself and I've been willing to go do the work .

Navigating Self-Aware Decision Making

Speaker 1 17:53

If you're willing to do that and you're willing to put in the work , the effort and , you know , push back against the doubters , then that's okay . But also , we can't sail a sinking ship into a port right , because it'll get there and it'll drown . So you do need to have a level of self-awareness to understanding advice and making the right decisions . It's a lot Appreciate being here . Drop a comment down below , give me some feedback . Happy to continue the conversation and , yeah , if you enjoyed this episode , please share it with someone who really enjoyed having the conversation . I'm learning a lot about these and it makes me think about other things . I need to probably go think about myself , but appreciate you and you have a wonderful day , cheers .