EP. 153 - Stop Proving Others Wrong... do this Instead! | Further Your Lifestyle Podcast

Speaker 1: 0:00

Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the further your lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you episode 153 today and I'm actually really, really excited to be able to share this. This episode has come from a comment that I received from Graham, and I really appreciate the ongoing conversations, or the continuing of conversations, that we have on this podcast. Now, if you are new here, these come out every week at 9am on Sunday, and if you enjoy these episodes, hit, hit, subscribe or leave a review or leave a comment and let me know what you think about it. And that's exactly what Graham did, and he actually said from the last episode actually, it was a couple of episodes back, to be honest he actually said what we all need to do is start proving ourselves right and not other people wrong, and I think this comment has so much truth to it and so much to the point that I wanted to create a whole episode on it. So that's what we're getting into today. So buckle up and let's dive in. So if I read this out again, just so we can all hear it and understand what the premise of this episode is is what we all need to do is start proving ourselves right and not other people wrong. Now, with that, I think there's so much truth to this into the points that we should focus on doing our best. We should feel proud of what we do, we should cheer for ourselves, we should cheer ourselves on, we should be happy with our accomplishments. We shouldn't be worrying about what others are doing, and we should be making ourselves happy rather than others. But at the same time, it is always nice to make other people happy, but the point is, we should be making sure that we're not trying to seek that validation by making them happy. Now, that's what we're diving into today the concept of proving ourselves right and not other people wrong. It's not about them being wrong and it's not about us being right over them, but it's actually about knowing what you're doing is you're doing it with confidence, you're doing it with conviction and you're doing it with passion, and you're doing it for the right reasons. And, at the end of the day, we want to do this because we want to live and lead a life filled with purpose, fulfillment and success, and that's how you further your lifestyle. So we're going to break down a number of different areas that I believe did a bit of research, a bit of reading and cross-referencing of what other people thought about this or said about this, and I've broken it down into a few different segments or points, and the first one being understanding what is self validation At the end of the day. And look, we're going to get deep straight into it. So buckle up. It's about finding worth and validation from within ourselves rather than seeking it from external sources.

Speaker 1: 2:34

Now, this, this is very hard in this day and age because we have so much vanity, metrics and there's so many numbers. Now I can speak very openly on this because I have a YouTube channel, I have a podcast, and as soon as I go live, as soon as I put this out to you, I start getting metrics played back to me. I get numbers saying how many people watched it, how long did you watch it for, how many likes did I get? Am I getting any comments? It's like when I sell something on eBay. I can review my numbers over every 90 days and see am I up, am I down? Am I doing better than today? I mean than yesterday, am I doing better than a year ago. All these vanity metrics when you post something online, how much reactions are getting it, how much love is it getting, how much likes, how much comments, all these different things and it's tough.

Speaker 1: 3:18

It's very hard and in today, understanding our own self validation really comes from about doing our best and feeling proud of those accomplishments and being able to cheer ourselves on, as I said before, without worrying about what others think. Now I want to ask you a few questions on this. Have you ever felt the need to seek validations from others? Now I'll put my hand up and say, yes, I'm a people pleaser. I like to try and bring everyone together and try and keep everyone happy, but I am also learning that that's not always the best way to go about it, because I need to stand up for myself. I need to stand up for what I believe in and protect my own brand and my own Beliefs. Right now, I'm not saying that my beliefs are better than anyone else's, but there's nothing wrong with us having our own personal opinions and we shouldn't need to seek validation from other people to make us feel good about having those opinions.

Speaker 1: 4:11

The other question I'll ask you is what? What does self validation mean to you. For me, it means confidence. It means doing it without the care and I think over the last four years this has become more evident in my life more than ever and being self aware of it, of being able to Create something that you're comfortable about, comfortable sharing about, that you're passionate about, but also you can say it without a doubt knowing that this is what you believe in, this is what you're happy to share, and that's your vision, that's your goal, that's your North Star.

Speaker 1: 4:41

The other question I'll ask you is how do you feel when you achieve something you've worked hard for? I mean, I feel great, and sometimes we won't achieve and get the results we expect, but how do you feel about it anyway? I think that's the other thing, because sometimes, when we don't get the results we want, we do seek validation from someone else that that's okay. Now it's okay that we don't get the results we want, but having someone else justify it for you isn't going to necessarily help you. You need to understand what went wrong, what went right now. What are you gonna do about it?

Speaker 1: 5:12

The next one is embracing self belief. Now. It's essential to our journey Towards personal growth and success or furthering your lifestyle in this case, and it involves trusting in ourselves and our abilities, even in, you know, when we do have those moments of doubt or when we do face criticism from others. And look again. I'm not saying this as if I figured it out, I'm not saying this that I've got it all going well, but. But the reality is, what we need to be doing is, instead of seeking approval from external sources, we need to cultivate, I guess, a confidence from within, and there's some questions that go along with this, which are what are some of the ways that you can cultivate self belief in your own life? I think for us, it's it's that really does come back to understanding. What are we trying to achieve. This is me personally when you know what you want and you know what you're going. You won't always know what it looks like, but you can know that the step that I'm doing today is going to get me closer to where I want to be a week away, or a month away, or a year away, or two years away, and when we have that and you start to see that momentum and those results, it's very, very encouraging, and I think you do need to come back and review this on a regular basis, whether it's through a, via vision board, or Taking notes or doing a journal, whatever it may be and when you do that, you can start to reignite those passions and that self belief that you have when you started.

Speaker 1: 6:37

The next question I'll ask you is how do you handle doubt or criticism from others? Me personally, I get very defensive. I put up a wall very quickly. However, I've been learning to try and understand from other people's perspectives and understand Are they trolling? Are they just being cheeky and they just trying to be funny, or are they? Is there some meat there that actually you know I can take some feedback from. Feedback is great, right, but we need to also not let it become something which is a negative trait. But we need to understand that sometimes a lot of these things are personal. People say things without adding context. On the internet keyboard warriors, we put things out there, but when you're talking to someone like this, you can see my eyes, you can see my hands, you can see how I'm interacting with you and how I'm trying to talk with love, but you know I'm tough love. Where is when someone writes a comment you don't know if they're doing with love out of, just because they're annoyed at you or whatever? Who knows? I have no idea. So I think we need to be very mindful of.

Speaker 1: 7:32

The next one I'll ask you is this is probably a question more for me but share a time when believing in yourself helped you overcome a challenge. For me, running, I think, is the big one. When things don't go as planned, of maybe have a setback or an injury or I'm not able to progress as quickly as I expected. We need to bring it back to the core of why we're doing it Now. For me, I'm running as an escape to keep my head Same, but also to see that personal growth on a personal level outside of you know metrics and vanity numbers and things like that, but just knowing that it's a tangible result, I showed up and I got it done. And when I remember doing multiple runs I've done five case that feel worse than a 50 K, but you go through the rollercoaster of doing a run and then thinking why the heck am I doing this? And then finishing and thinking I want to do it again, and that's how you reignite that self-belief and it helps you overcome challenges.

Speaker 1: 8:26

The next one that I want to talk about is prioritizing personal growth. Now, I think one of the key ways of proving ourselves right is focusing on our own journey and progress. You know what are you doing. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, but what are you doing and this has become very relevant to me in the last three months Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we concentrate on the continuous self-improvement and development of ourselves, and when you're able to reflect and refer back to how far you've come, the journey you've been on, what you've been able to achieve, that's all that matters, because no one else is doing what you're doing. Like to the dot. You know, we compare. If we're talking business, if we're running, if we're doing YouTube channels Again, speaking from what I do or my podcast, we can compare on those levels of okay, we started at the same time. He's further along in terms of you know, he's got a bigger audience, but they're different audiences. Is it exactly the same audience? Exception, etc. Etc. So it's not always as black and white as that. I think something we also need to remember is that every obstacle we encounter becomes an opportunity for growth, but we don't always see it like that.

Speaker 1: 9:30

Now I've got a couple of questions for you here on this one, which is what are some personal goals you're currently working towards? What are some of the goals you're working towards? They're your goals. You don't have to share them with me, but ask yourself what are you working towards? For me, it's building a business that suits my lifestyle. That's my ultimate goal, and I want to help inspire others to aspire further in their own lives, which is the goal of this podcast. And by doing those two things together running my best life, building a business, sharing you know my progress, but also wrapping it up in these kind of conversations. They're all ways of me working towards my bigger and broader goals.

Speaker 1: 10:05

The next question I'll ask you is how do you stay motivated to pursue your dreams? That's my big dream. I'm doing things daily, I'm putting things out there, I'm sharing them because that keeps me accountable, but we don't have to do that. The question is how do you stay motivated? This motivates me because it puts things on the line, but you don't have to do that. The question is how do you stay motivated? And then the next question I'll ask you, which is again more for me. Which is more for me? Share a setback you faced and how you turned it into an opportunity for growth.

Speaker 1: 10:37

Look, there's been some moments, even in the last couple of weeks, where I've had some doubt of what I was doing is am I doing it wrong? Based on some feedback and based on, you know, criticism, I guess and it did get me into a dark place of thinking crap, you know. Have I, have I gone too quick? Have I made a mistake? Am I doing things the way that it shouldn't be done? But the reality is no one's done anything the way I've done it. And when I was looking at that, I had to zoom out and have a reflection and I did an episode on this just recently, right when in doubt, zoom out and really understanding how far have I come? How am I comparing to previous, you know, periods of this year versus last year? Is it really that bad? I zoomed out and I realized that I'm actually still ahead compared to the other years and compared to the average. It just was a low couple of weeks in the business, for whatever reasons. And when I looked at that, I realized why am I getting so worked up about this? Why am I letting self doubt creep in because of what someone else has said?

Speaker 1: 11:34

It's good to take on things like that to keep yourself honest, like feedback. But we do need to make sure we don't let it cloud our judgment. Because we're doing these things, because we're doing it with conviction. Now I'm not saying to you know, drive a car for bridge, you know if you need to jump off that car, going into it into the water, jump out right. Or, you know, jump off a sinking ship. So we need to know when to cut our losses. But the reality is, unless this thing is Flashing at you to saying this is bad, you know if you're not making money, if it's red, if it's, things are going to plan, if you're getting more, more things, which Revealing that it's not working, well then we need to call it. But really there isn't anything telling me that it's not working. It's just a couple of days or a couple of weeks that weren't going to plan, they weren't bad, they were just behind. So we need to make sure we have something in place to be able to do that. And how do we handle those setbacks To help us grow into the opportunity of growth?

Speaker 1: 12:29

The next one is authenticity and integrity. This is a very important one for me. I like to share as much as I possibly can to keep it real here. Of course, we'll have highlight reels, will have things that we don't like to share as well, but authenticity and integrity play a crucial role in proving ourselves right, because it's it's who we are, it's the essence of who we are, and it's about staying true to our values and what we believe in, our principles. With said, even when we're faced with the challenges or, you know, opposition or competition, and and we need to be making sure that we're making decisions that align with our beliefs as we build a life filled with purpose and authenticity. Otherwise, it just won't happen.

Speaker 1: 13:09

So some of the questions we can think about in this area is how do you stay true to yourself in a world that often pressures us to conform? Now, that is a tough one. That is, I think, having those escapes, the things that pulls us back to our path, and, you know, we need to be careful that we don't get stuck drinking the Kool-Aid and we fall into other people's dreams, other people's journeys. It's good to be able to switch off and see what other people are doing, but we need to find ways that we can Ensure that we're not getting complacent and then we're staying on the ball. So how do I stay complacent? I mean, how do I stay complacent and stay focused on what I want? It's making sure I'm reviewing on a regular basis. It's tracking things. It's asking myself is this what I want?

Speaker 1: 13:55

The beauty is I've created a situation in my life where I don't have other people dictating it, but that creates a lot of pressure for myself because I have to do more of the work. I don't have the comfort of a you know salary just coming in. I have to do the work. I mean, it's the same as you go to a job you still have to do the work to get paid. But there's a level of you know you just rock up, punch in, punch out, get the money. This I can't just not do nothing, and that keeps me honest, but it also motivates me to build something that is great and built on a great foundation.

Speaker 1: 14:31

The next question that I'll put out there is and again it's to me but For you to reflect on is share a time when you had to make a difficult decision that tested your integrity. I think of recent. There's been a I'm not getting into detail of it, but there's been a lot of conflicts within the community of the reselling space and A lot of it isn't necessarily evident to a lot of people, but I was quite close to it and to me that I hate that, I absolutely hate it. I hate the conflict and you know, some of my integrity was challenged around. You know how to be saying.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Things have been doing this or picking sides or whatever, but at the end of the day, that be for that problem wasn't to do with me. It was to do with two different parties or groups and their Difference of opinions there. Maybe there was some things that said they shouldn't be said, etc. Etc. But to me I respect both parties. In my own, you know, from a one on one perspective, I might not respect how things are being dealt with individually between those parties, but I had to make sure that I stick to my guns and that I don't draw in emotions from having relationships or friendships or conversations with the different parties. I'm trying to speak with, you know, being mindful of the different parties, but that really has tested me and it's maybe also reevaluate. Where do I come into this, you know, and how does my, my belief and what I want from all this come into play, you know? Do I want to be involved with it and things like that. So that was a tough one. That was a big, big tough one.

Speaker 1: 16:12

I think the next thing that I'll ask is how does living authentic, authentically Contribute your overall happiness and fulfillment? I think when we, when we do things that we know are right and it's not about getting recognized for it, but when you do, or when things come full circle and people realize, oh, wow, you've, you've done a really good job there, it pays off, even if that is a small little recognition. To me that's what pays it off is you know, you put in the hard work and you see the results. Sometimes that result might not be someone else calling it out, but you just see the result. That that's what. That's what makes it fulfilling for me. But more so, I think, when you're able to inspire, encourage others and you see them see and achieve what they want, that's, that's the best fulfillment, which actually leads to the final point, which is, by proving ourselves right and embracing on our journey with authenticity and with confidence and passion, we can inspire others to do the same. And that's what the purpose of this podcast is to Inspire others to aspire further in their own lives and as we take our own actions, we have the power to motivate and uplift and hopefully give others that same ripple effect of positivity and empowerment.

Speaker 1: 17:24

And I've got some questions on this as well, like again asking myself this how do you hope to inspire others through your own journey of self validation? Well, me, doing these episodes that this is exactly that. You know, knowing that I'm putting this out, I'm not doing it for anyone in particular. I'm doing it for whoever needs to hear it. I'm doing it for me just as much as I work through my own crap. But it's important to understand that we all go through things and we need to help ourselves, but we do need to help others too, and I'm just trying to create my thing that I want in life.

Speaker 1: 17:55

The next one is the question is share a role model or mentor who has inspired you to believe in yourself? I think there's been a lot of people, and you know my old boss. When I decided to leave the nine to five, he was, I mean, even outside of me, taking a chance of myself. It was a huge role model to me and we had some really great conversations and I really enjoyed that confidence that we had in each other. But you know, he encouraged me to go do this, do it and had actually all three people that were above me in leadership and I reached out to them and we had the conversations. They all encourage me and supported it and saw why it made sense to do it and that inspires me. And I see other people doing it and look, there's plenty of people that are way ahead of me and maybe they've been able to do things quicker than me, which is encouraging, but it also motivates me to know that it's possible, but it's very possible.

Speaker 1: 18:46

And the last point question that I'll ask is how can we support and uplift each other in the pursuit of personal growth and fulfillment? I think keeping it real, keeping it honest, but being polite and doing it with kind candor. Gary V talks about this in his what is it? The 12 emotions of business, and it's very important that when we do things, we should do it with love, do it with the intention, but not make it personal. Business is business.

Speaker 1: 19:10

You know, if I, if, if someone wants to buy something off me and that's a hack and you give me a good deal, I say, yeah, this is what I can do. I can give you 20% off, and then they'll be like, oh, but you know you get this cheaper. Like why can't you do more? I can't do it more because if I do it more I'm not making any money. So where's the respect right?

Speaker 1: 19:24

So I think we need to find ways that we can help each other. Respect that, do it with love, but also be kind, right. I mean, it's not about why should one person get a better result or why should one person have a better life. I know it's not possible to have that equality so simply just divided upon everyone. But we all have our own crap that we're dealing with. We're going through life and we don't walk in each other's shoes. We can try to perceive how that looks.

Speaker 1: 19:54

So just my advice there is just to just to give a bit of love, like to do things with kindness and encourage each other, cheerlead each other on. You know, you see someone hitting their goals. Give them a pound the back or give them a compliment or, you know, just make them feel good about themselves, not for the wrong reasons. Don't tell them what they want to hear. Tell them what they need to hear, but With love. That's. That's what I'm saying. That's this episode.

Speaker 1: 20:18

Folks are really, really important and I just want to say another big thank you to Graham for putting that comment, because it really did speak to me deeply. I don't know if he, if this is what you're really meaning, but this is how I took it and I think it's really important that we do. We need to stop focusing on trying to prove other people wrong, but making sure that what we're doing is we're doing it with confidence. If you enjoyed this episode and you think someone else could enjoy it, please share it, send it to them, tell them why they should listen to it. You can leave a comment, you can continue the conversation. You can be like Graham and leave a comment and maybe I'll make an episode out of it.

Speaker 1: 20:48

And apologies, graham, if if this is more than you expected, I do really appreciate you, appreciate you all listening. Tuning in whether you're watching, whether you're listening it does mean the absolute world to me, but at the end of the day, we're doing this to help further other people's lifestyle. So the more people they can hear this little people that can understand it and learn it that's really the intention here. So tuning next week will be back at it again and you have a wonderful day. Cheers.