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Ever wondered why the things you want most seem to elude you? Today, we're taking a profound journey into life's paradoxes that can transform your worldview. Ready to see life through a different lens? We unpack 15 intriguing paradoxes, like why intense desire might be keeping you from your goals, and how prioritizing others can boost your own self-esteem.
But the enlightenment doesn't stop there. We are also turning fear of failure on its head and revealing how you can use it as a motivator. We discuss the delicate balance of control and why real power might lie in letting go. Being true to yourself, the pitfalls of over-trying, and the strange relationship between accessibility and value - we're tackling it all! Finally, we're sharing interactive ways for you to join the conversation. From leaving voice memos to posting reviews, we're all about growth through connection. So, join us on this exciting journey of discovery and watch as these paradoxes enlighten your path towards personal growth.
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Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the Fidlia Lifestyle podcast Conversations on Lifestyle Passions and Hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you. Episode 126 today we're talking about the paradoxes of life. Now I've been browsing into it over the last couple of weeks as I've been trying to build out some additional content and different, I guess, types of content for the podcast. Now I've been doing a few kind of like reaction pieces or just going through different things that I found on the internet and kind of sharing them with you and going through them with you, and I think it's a great way to gain fresh perspective. Obviously, we can't believe in, you know, agree with everything we see on the internet. I mean, here's me sharing things on the internet as well, and you're listening to me. We need to form our own opinion or take our own perspective from it. But I think it's a great way to challenge the way we think, to challenge the way we look at things from what we always thought was just our own way. So for me, I have found taking this exercise quite well, because a lot of the time I find things I don't necessarily read them or go through them in such detail. But going through them with you and sharing them with you, I think I'm learning, I think you're learning and we can all look about how we can further our lifestyle together. So today I found a few they're mixed messages of different paradoxes of life and, I bet I guess, different ways that we can explore and look at growing ourselves, and I think it's a fun way. So I've got I think there might be 15 of them here or so, I can't remember how many there was, but I've written them down and jotted a few things and I wanna take them through. I wanna go through them with you and I'll kinda have a reaction. I'll talk about them a bit and if you wanna share a comment along the way, by all means jump down below. If you're here on the YouTube, leave a comment, otherwise you know you can reach out afterwards and let's continue the conversation. So that's what we're getting into today. Let's dive in. So the first one, the first paradox of life, is the more you want something, the less likely you are to have it. I don't necessarily agree with that. I don't know what it's saying. Let's see. So it says this speaks to the idea that intense desire can sometimes cloud our judgment or put too much pressure on the situation, reducing our chances of success. Ah, yes, okay, so this is a good, yeah, okay. So this is like when you set a goal, new year's resolution. It's like I'm gonna lose 20 kilos this year, and you're so fixated on the 20 kilos that you start and you're pushing so hard and you're not seeing the progress that you think, nah, it's too hard. So you start to, you know, push yourself away, or you start to say this is too hard or this is impossible, but you've only been doing it for a couple of weeks out of 52 weeks. So, you know, you reduce your chance to be able to succeed cause you're not motivated. So I think sometimes, coming back to you know, systems, processes and goals and things, we need to have those things in place to enable ourselves to actually make sure that what we do want is going to succeed, rather than just, you know, putting pressure on ourselves to get it. That's the way I take this, or the way I understand it, anyway. Paradox number two that I found here was the less you care about others, the less you care about yourself, the less you care. Look, I think there's a well, we're sorry. If we're talking about pure care, then yes, being able to put yourself in other people's shoes, have an understanding and show empathy to others is very key, because if you can't do that for others, how are you going to do it for yourself? At the same time, I know that I'm very good at talking with other people I think I am anyway but I'm not very good at talking to myself and telling me the same advice. So this goes on to say that this suggests that empathy and care for others is linked to our own self-care and self-esteem. Yeah, I agree, but at the same time, I also find that I try to fix my own problems by fixing other people's problems. So that you know, that's another whole issue on itself, but I can understand this. You know, before we can love others, we need to love ourselves. I think we do need to get in touch with this one quite a lot. The next paradox that I have here is the more you fear a negative, the less likely it is that the positive will manifest. Yeah, so when we surround ourselves with negativity, when we look for negativity, when we talk negative, when we, you know, embrace negativity, that's all we're going to see, that's all we're going to live. It's like you know, it's all. If you, that's all you're going to eat, that's all, you're going to poop as well, right? So I think we need to bring in the power of positivity and make sure we are taking a positive approach to things, looking at things from a positive perspective, because when we have excessive worry or excessive fear, that actually sometimes forces us to put ourselves in a brain space or a headspace that's leading us to that outcome, right? So if you do not have a positive mindset, a positive focus that you're working towards, then you know you're less likely to achieve it because you're so focused on the negative. If you look for it, that's what you will find, right? So I think this one's a very important thing the more you fear a negative, the less likely is that positive will manifest. So you will need to be looking for the positive and less of the fear. Now, I also understand that there is a level of element to fueling from fear, right. So if your fear of failing, use that as your advantage, but that's not speaking negatively, or that's not thinking negatively. So I think, yeah, let's not get confused here. So the next one paradox is, what did I find here? The more concerned you are about a problem, the less connected you become to the solution. I mean, this sounds like pretty much the same. What does it say? So this suggests that focusing too much on a problem can blind us from the potential solutions? Yeah, I think. You know I tend to do this. You know paralysis by analysis. You know just looking at things too much and I sometimes forget to step away. Walk away. You know, take a break. And I think this is super crucial when you're trying to solve a problem and you're not making progress. Go, do something else, step away, take a break, clear the head, and that will enable you to come back with fresh perspective. So many times I spent, you know, hours trying to do something. I've walked away for 30 minutes, gone do something else, come back and boom instantly, just on the ball. You see it straight away. So I think that's important, because it's also a big tell of you getting burnt out. You're tired, you're exhausted and I think, I think this this speaks true the more concerned you are about a problem, the less connected you've been with the solution. So when we can start to bring that balance together, then we will find the answer. Next paradox is the less you trust something, the more untrustworthy it becomes. Well, of course, but I think what it's kind of saying is like how, as our perception changes, it shapes our experience with people. And it's not even stated, it's unstated expectations, I like If you don't trust something, naturally it becomes untrustworthy. It doesn't mean you're thinking they're untrustworthy, it's just because you're not building that trust with them. So it's kind of like that positive reinforcement. But I think there's also a bit of a catch here, because that it almost sounds like a default mechanism where, okay, so if you don't like them, does that mean you hate them? So look, I think this one's a little interesting. I mean, I also understand, like, if you don't build trust, then how can you trust? But it doesn't mean it makes someone untrustworthy. So I'm not too sure about this. And what do you think on this one? The next one is the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know. Yes, yes, we've spoken about this numerous times. You don't know what you don't know, and it's the pursuit of knowledge, right? We think we've got it all figured out. You know right now. What I know is this like it's a tip of an iceberg right, you can see the tip and everything underneath is what I know. But there's all the rest of the pie, like, if I'm just a chunk of a pie, right, there's still all the other unknown. But you don't know that unknown until you know it. And then when you know it, all of a sudden you're like whoa right, it's game changing, right? Think about when a kid learned something for the first time all of a sudden, their life changes, that's. We still have those moments as adults. So I think this one, this one's really important. And don't think, just because you're at a certain age, oh yeah, you've got experience, I know what that means, I've got it all figured out. No, there is so much to learn. This is really true. The next one is the more complete you feel through someone or something, the less complete you feel from. Yeah, we can't feel the void with other people or other things, because it's just filling a void of nothing, right, because it's a fake void. Feel fake, you're fake. Feeling right. That's what I meant to say, and what I mean by this is so the best way we can find fulfillment, or I think that we can find contentment, is from ourselves, from within, if you can't bring your own happiness and you're only relying on external sources or people, then you have a problem, because it's almost like you're reliant on other things, you're not self-reliant, and oh look, I'm not saying this is easy either Like we need to learn to be able to be independent and find happiness by ourselves. But that can become a bit of a dangerous game when we start to only fill the joy if we have, you know, if we are attached to something else, and that attachment is unhealthy when you have that attachment, so definitely one that we need to really be mindful of. I think the next one is the more you're afraid to fail, the more likely art of how, I don't know, I think. I think we can leverage this to fuel ourselves, but at the same time, you don't want to get stuck in thinking about the failure, because then you spend more time working on the failure, like, oh, how am I going to get through? How am I going to get through it? How am I going to get through it, rather than actually working on the things that actually avoid it anyway. So that that's probably where it is Like, when you're so focused on the failure because you're afraid of it, then, yeah, you're more likely to because you're not doing other things. That's going to enable you to actually mitigate it in the first place. So, yet, understand that the fail is yeah, use that as a fuel, start working towards what is going to mitigate it, rather than, oh, it's bad, but what about this? But what about that? What are you doing, right? Yeah, I think this one's important Gaining control lies in your ability to let go of it. So this is saying that true control comes from being able to relinquish it, possibly in terms of control over oneself. So if you can let something go, you now have control of it, because it does not control you. That's deep. It's interesting, though, because, look, I can look in my room and see it, but you can see behind me, I've got a lot of material things like you know, stuff, collections. I've got race medals, I've got video game stuff, things that have some level of resemblance of something to me. I'm attached to them, but, you know, do they control me or do I control them? Now, they're a piece of something or a memory, but if I got rid of them, it doesn't mean that I'm getting rid of the memory, just means it doesn't have a hold on me. That's interesting. It's interesting, that's a deep one. That's the oh, it's Jeepers. It's making me think. The next one is the more you try to impress people, the less impressed they'll be. Yeah, I find that when we try too hard, that's when we usually end up, you know, making a mistake. You need to be authentic, we need to be who we are, we need to be ourselves, and that way people will love us, for us, not for something that we're trying to be or faking to be. And when we're authentic, we're more impressive and we can be valued for who we are, not for this idea of what we possibly could be. And keeping up the act. That's hard work. So definitely agree with this one. The next one is the more available something is, the less you will want it. Yeah, that's true, you know. Look, this comes back to the whole conversation around supply versus demand. And you know, when something's rare, everyone wants it because there's only limited amount of them. But when there's lots of them, it's like, ah, yeah, every Tom Dick and Harry has it, but it's all psychological, right? Um? But I think we realize that at the moment, if there's lots of it, we think, ah, yeah, yep, it's all good, not important to me, and then all of a sudden it's gone. So, oh, I should've got it, should've got it right. How many times have you done that? I've done that so many times. So I think it's an interesting concept that we need to be understanding of, especially the perception of value, so one to challenge us all on definitely challenges me. The only certainty is that nothing is ever certain. Yeah, life is, I guess it's unpredictable and can change at any point, which is scary. But when you accept that, then it's okay. I mean, think about, you know, when we had covered, no one saw that coming. Like you know, we were living high life, corporate, like for me, I was in corporate at the time and, you know, doing your job, and you know, my biggest problem was, you know, work. And then cover came and we went about to do this we had to get, we went into lockdown here in Melbourne, australia, we All these different things happen and took over our lives. And then all of a sudden, this became this big thing, that kind of took over our lives and to control our lives. But now it's gone, no one talks about it, it's over. You know, it's been a few years and we've moved on. So what's the next thing that pops up and throws us out of you know, out of focus? There will always be something like that. So we just got to learn to ride the roller coaster. I guess you know whether it's on a micro or a macro level. The next one is the only constant is change. Yeah, constant changes here to stay. Things will change, right, whether it's of your control or not. But just as we grow and mature and evolve as ourselves, right, we start to realize what's important to us. We start to realize what do we want, what don't we want, and that changes who we are and how we go about doing things. You know, like, what I was doing five years ago is a lot different to what I'm doing now. Two years ago, you could ask me am I going to be selling clothes as my primary category in my business? No, I would never thought that. If you ask me five years ago, six years ago, is that I would have stepped away from my nine to five job and started doing this podcast of my own business, I would have said no, I knew I wanted that. I didn't know how that was going to happen, I just figured that it would just happen, you know, over a long period of time. You know I'd be out of quit, quit work because I got so much money and I don't have to worry about it. And it just happens. But that's a false mentality, because I had to make the change. I had to make the change to order for it to happen. You know they weren't going to fire me, and even if they did fire me, I mean that could have happened. But the idea was, if I want something, I have to. I have to do the things that it requires it to happen. And that means I had to change what I was doing in order to make that happen. Right, if you want to lose weight, you need to change something. You need to change how much time you exercise. You need to change how much time you eat, what you eat, how you spend your time, what you do. That changes is constant. But at the same time there's change that comes which isn't as we expect, as we kind of just talked about. That, you know. Certainly there's. There's no certainty in life, right, things will pop up out of nowhere. That change will always happen. So it's about what change can you control versus what can you control when a change happens. You know you won't be able to control all changes. Just that's just the way it is. How do you control the circumstances that you're in and what can you do within that ecosystem? A lot of deep thoughts here. Let me know your feedback on these. Do you enjoy these kind of me going through, you know, whether it's 10 points, 15 points or whatever it is and expressing and sharing with you, because, for me, I enjoy it, because I feel like I'm learning something as well, but it's I think it's a great way to have a conversation. I think some of these would be really good conversations with other people as well. You know, you know back and forth of just breaking down what we think they mean, how they relevant to our lives. Obviously, our lives are all different, will a different points at life, and my encouragement to you is like go through these, listen to what we've just shared through and, you know, ask yourself the same questions, challenge yourself can you change something? Do you agree with this? And if you don't, why don't you agree with it and what does that mean and what does that look like? I share these episodes because I want to help you further your lifestyle, but I'm trying to further my own as well. Now I might be further in different areas. This people are way ahead of me in other areas as well, and I think the best way to have the ability to understand how to grow is to have the conversation about it. Right is figure out what are the things we need to be doing, what are the different mindsets we need, what are the different perspective changes? What are we valuing? How can we change? What can we do? What do we have control of? What are the different questions of that? Right, and I like to be able to share it in this way, because it does keep it real, it keeps it authentic, it keeps it honest and it keeps it open. That's my thoughts anyway. So if you've got a paradox of life that you think is relevant to all of us, chuck it down in the comments. If you're here on the YouTube, if you're here listening by Spotify or Apple podcasts all those great places leave a review. Leave a review. And if you do have the way to be able to reach out and have a conversation with me, connect. You can drop me a message or you can even leave me a voice memo over at speakpipecom. Slash further your lifestyle. I would greatly appreciate it and, of course, if you can share these episodes to someone that you think these would resonate with, that would mean the absolute world to me as well. Appreciate you being here. You have a wonderful day, cheers.